“And you’re not sure if you’d be able to cope?” Mac asked.
“Does that make me selfish?”
“No,” Mac said firmly. “It’s something you need to think about if you’re planning on being together in the long run. It would be more selfish to tell yourself and him it doesn’t matter and then walk away later when things get tough.”
“But how do I know if I’d be able to manage?” Kyrone asked. “How do I know Iwouldstick around if it got to the point where he needed a carer more than a partner?”
“You don’t. Not for certain anyway.”
Kyrone huffed out a breath. He’d hoped for more concrete words of wisdom.
“Did you know Michael was in a civil partnership before he met Jag?” Mac asked.
Kyrone shook his head. That was news to him.
“He and Edward bought this place together. Less than two years later, Edward was diagnosed with terminal cancer.”
“Fuck.”
“It was hard on Michael. Not just because he lost the man he loved, but also because he had to watch Edward suffer. He slipped away quickly, and Michael was by his side the whole time.”
Kyrone blinked back tears. “Why are you telling me this?” It almost felt wrong to know, like it was a secret that he shouldn’t have been told.
“Because Michael didn’t know that Edward was going to get sick when he met him. He didn’t know how hard things were going to become, so he was completely unprepared. But he coped. He was strong when Edward needed him to be. He looked after Edward until the end.”
“I… don’t understand,” Kyrone admitted.
“My point is that you never know what life’s going to throw at you. There are things you can’t prepare for, like cancer and freak accidents, and there are things you can. Youknowwhat the worst outcome will be for Jared, don’t you?”
Kyrone nodded.
“And you know there’s a chance that the two of you won’t be able to adopt?”
“Yeah.”
“Then you need to take that information and decide if you can handle them. You need to be really honest with yourself about it. Is not having kids one day a deal-breaker?”
“I… don’t know.”
“Is having to look after Jared something you can see yourself doing?”
That one was easier to answer. “Ilovehim. I would be there for him, no matter what.”
Some of what Jared had told him was scary, like the possibility of him having seizures or a stroke or losing more of his memory. But some of those things could happen tohimtoo. Kyrone was fit and healthy, but he knew that wouldn’t make him immune to sickness or heart problems. Losing his dad taught him that life was both fleeting and fragile, and finding out what had happened to Jared had only reinforced that knowledge. Anything could happen at any moment, and the worst thing he could do would be to shy away from that reality and give up on the man he loved. But even if he could be sure about that, it still left the issue of children.
“Did you ever want kids?” he asked.
Mac shrugged. “Russel and I talked about it once or twice, but it’s not something either of us felt we needed to be complete as a family. Plus, with me working long hours here and Russel working whatever hours suit his personal shopping clients, it would be difficult.” He finished his scotch. “I’m probably not going to be much help on the topic, but maybe you should think aboutwhyyou want kids?”
Kyrone shrugged. “I just never thought that Iwouldn’thave kids.” He smiled. “My sister has three, and my mum is desperate for more grandkids.”
“But what doyouwant?” Mac asked. “Can you imagine your life without having kids?” He paused for a few seconds before speaking in a quieter tone. “Can you imagine your life without Jared in it?”
“No,” Kyrone whispered, responding to the second question rather than the first. “Being with him makes me feel complete.”
“Then if you already feel whole, wouldn’t kids be a wonderful bonus rather than something youneed?”
Kyrone stared into the space between them.
