“Would you really want me to be miserable?” he asked.
He knew he wouldn’t get any kind of answer. The clouds weren’t going to part and allow sunlight to stream onto his face or morph into his dad’s image to deliver some kind of message to him like in a kids’ film. Whatever decision he made about his future needed to be made alone, without the guidance of his dad.
Well, maybe not alone. He could talk to his mum and his sister. He could talk things through with Jared too. But before he did any of that, he wanted to get his own thoughts straight. Besides, he already knew Jared’s thoughts on the subject. He recalled the young man’s words from the previous Monday.
‘If a promise starts to damage your happiness, or worse, your mental health, I don’t think anyone would expect you to keep it.’
The promisewasdamaging his happiness. Every lecture and seminar he’d sat in since Jared had uttered those words had made it clear to him. He hated the course, and he definitely wasn’t putting his all into it. And to think he was only halfway through a three-year degree. On top of that, finding out what Jared had been through left him acutely aware of how fragile and fleeting life could be. Wasn’t it too short to waste on keeping a promise he regretted making every day? Not that he regretted reconciling with his dad, but he wished there had been another way to do it, one that hadn’t meant bending to his dad’s will. He almost laughed at himself. He was a grown man, and he was capable of making his own decisions. The only person trapping him was himself.
But if he quit, surely the last eighteen months would have been a complete waste of time and money?
He shuddered.
Eighteen months.
At about the same time he’d been starting his degree, Jared’s life had been completely upended. Kyrone had spent those months dancing so he could afford to do something he hated, while Jared had been fighting to live and then struggling to rebuild his life. Out of the two of them, he knew who had used the time more effectively. Jared could have gone back to the life his parents had told him he’d wanted, but he hadn’t. He’d determined his own future on his own terms. It couldn’t have been easy for him. As difficult as Jared said he’d found being with his family after the accident, they must have provided him with a security net, both emotionally and financially. They’d never talked about how well off Jared’s family were, but Kyrone had surmised they were probably very affluent. Not that it showed in anything other than Jared’s soft and sexy accent, which was at odds with the way he dressed and lived.
Jared was braver than he was. He’d taken control of his own life despite not having any memories of his past and still being on the long road to recovery. What had Kyrone done? He’d dug in and resigned himself to the life his dad had wanted for him rather than having the guts to go back on his word and choose what he wanted to do.
“Would you hate me if I broke my promise?” he said out loud.
There was definitely a small part of him that wanted to receive some kind of heavenly sign, anything that would let him know that it was okay to be his own person. Funnily enough, he didn’t receive one.
Sighing, he bowed his head and carried on walking. The days were getting longer, so there was no danger of it getting dark anytime soon. The weather had started to pick up, too, with the occasional lovely day with bright blue skies and warm sunshine. Not that it had been nice that day. It had rained heavily in the morning, leaving behind a thick blanket of clouds and making everything damp underfoot.
His family had often come to the park. His dad had loved walking, so they’d gone out whether the sun was shining, or it was heaving it down with rain or snowing. It was why his ashes had been scattered there. Even after he’d started drinking, he’d still been ‘himself’ on their family walks. After his dad had died, Kyrone, his mum, and sister had come here. They’d walked around the whole park until they’d found the perfect spot to scatter his ashes: the hilltop he’d been standing on moments earlier. The wind had carried the remains of his father all across the park and the city beyond. It was sort of morbid but also beautiful to think that his dad was free of the things that had weighed him down in life.
Kyrone glanced up as he heard squawking overhead. Seagulls. They were common in the park, but he still found their appearance ironic. Jared might not have been able to remember what seagulls meant to him, but Kyrone still took it as a sign to heed his boyfriend’s words. He frowned. And Jag’s. What was it Jag had said, about the reason his friend had given him the book? It was a reminder to be true to himself, even if that meant not doing what everyone else wanted him to do.
“I think you’d want me to be happy, Dad,” Kyrone said. “I don’t believe you’d hold me to a promise that’s making me miserable.”
Although the clouds didn’t part, the seagulls squawked and circled overhead. Kyrone decided to take them as the sign he’d been searching for, the permission he needed to free himself from his own word.
He took his phone out of his pocket and dialled Jared. It was almost time for Ink Envy to close for the evening, so he hoped that Jared wasn’t tied up with a customer. When his lover answered after a few rings, he smiled.
“Ky?”
He loved the way Jared called him that. He’d never let anyone else get away with using the nickname before, but it sounded perfect coming from him.
“Hey, babe. I was thinking about visiting my mum today. I was wondering if you wanted to come with me?”
Kyrone wasn’t surprised when Jared didn’t immediately answer. Three weeks wouldn’t normally be his benchmark for introducing a boyfriend to his mum. Four weeks if they counted the day they’d first met. Kyrone smirked. He was pretty sure itdidcount, considering they’d had sex.
“I’ve made a few decisions,” he said by way of an explanation. “About my future. I’d quite like the moral support when I talk to her. Besides, she’ll love you.”
“Oh, so you want me there as a distraction?” Jared asked.
Kyrone chuckled. “Yes, but not in the way you think. Will you come?”
“Yes.”
Kyrone’s heart felt a little lighter, a little freer. “I’ll meet you at the bus station in half an hour. Bring your sketch pad.”
“My sketch pad?”
“And some pencils.” Kyrone could almost sense Jared’s confusion radiating through the phone. “I’ll explain on the way.”
“Are you also going to tell me what decisions you’ve made?”
