“I’ve got a lecture to go to. I could skip it, though. Staying here with you sounds like a much better idea.”
Jared chuckled. “I need to go to work.”
Kyrone’s brow crumpled. “Are you well enough?”
Jared shrugged. “I’ve taken too much time off already. I have to at least try.”
Kyrone wasn’t sure about that, but he wasn’t going to argue either.
Jared peered up at him, eyes narrowed. “You skip lectures a lot, Ky. Doesn’t that tell you something?”
Kyrone smiled. “I already know I hate the degree, but—”
“You’re doing it because your father wanted you to.” Jared let out an exasperated sigh. “I suppose I don’t understand why you’d do something that makes you so unhappy.”
Kyrone gazed at his lover, wondering if he needed to try harder to see the world through Jared’s eyes. The young man had losteverythinghe had been but had still freed himself from the future his parents wanted for him. Whereas Kyrone was treading water, doing something he hated, because of a promise he’d made to a dying man.
“What are you thinking about?” Jared asked.
Kyrone shrugged. “Nothing. I thought you were going to get up and go to work? Because if you’ve got some spare time, I’m definitely going to fuck you senseless.”
Jared chuckled, but the sound faded to something sad. “I’ve not got time forthat, sorry.” He dipped his chin. “It’s too exhausting. But Idohave time to listen to what’s bothering you. I’m sorry if what I said upset you.”
Kyrone shook his head. “You didn’t upset me. If anything, you’re right.”
Jared rolled his eyes upwards. “I generally am. But what about specifically?”
“About doing whatIwant with my life rather than what Dad wanted me to do.”
“But?”
“I made him a promise, babe. I’ve never broken a promise in my life.” It sounded silly saying it out loud, but his integrity meant something to him. It was important.
Jared breathed in slowly as he caressed Kyrone’s hand. “I think sometimes you can earn a pass on keeping promises.”
Kyrone started to shake his head but stopped when Jared gave him a hard look.
“I didn’t know your father.” He cracked a small grin. “I mean, Ireallydidn’t know your father, but I don’t believe he would have wanted you to be miserable. If a promise starts to damage your happiness, or worse, your mental health, I don’t think anyone would expect you to keep it. You’ve got to do what’s right for you, and you’re the only one who can decide what that is.” He kissed Kyrone slowly. “And there’s no rush, Ky. Take the time you need to make the right decision.”
Kyrone wrapped his arm around Jared’s back and pulled him into a fiercer kiss. “For a guy with a head injury, you can really talk some sense.”
“What can I say? I guess the accident knocked some sense into me.” Jared’s words were jovial, but his tone was sad. He patted Kyrone’s chest. “I really do need to get up. When’s your lecture? We could get the bus into town together?”
“Sounds perfect,” Kyrone said, even though he still wanted to keep Jared in bed with him instead.
* * *
A few hours later, Kyrone sat in another dull lecture. His tenth that week. He’d offered to stay at home, but Jared refused. Thankfully, he’d seemed a lot better and had even ventured into work. Kyrone wasn’t convinced that his boyfriend would last the day at the tattoo parlour, but it wasn’t his call to make. He could see why, after everything that had happened, it was important for Jared to lead as normal a life as possible. Kyrone’s worry was that Jared was pushing himself too hard in order to achieve that.
When he wasn’t thinking about Jared, his mind wandered to other things instead of concentrating on the lecture. Jared’s assertion that he shouldn’t do a degree just because his dad had wanted him to was one of the main things that haunted his thoughts. Deep down, he knew Jared was right, but he’d made a promise to a dying man. How could he break it, even if doing so would make him a million times happier?
At the end of the lecture, he handed in his latest essay—not his finest piece of work by a long way—and then got a bus to the park where his dad’s ashes had been scattered. He wandered along the dirt tracks, smiling at dog walkers and young families as he went past them, allowing his thoughts to drift.
Life with his dad hadn’t always been difficult. He had plenty of happy memories of piggybacks and laughter, of the tall tales his dad used to love to tell, and of his kind face and bright eyes. But as he’d struggled to provide for them, that brightness had faded, drowned out by drinking. The once cheerful man had become sullen, and he’d switched from praising Kyrone and his sister to driving them to try harder and do better. He’d hand-picked careers for both of them. He’d scraped every last penny together to get them a tutor so they would not only pass their exams but ace them. His entire goal had been to get them both into university so they could build a better life for themselves than he had been able to.
But Kyrone hadn’t gone. Not at first anyway. He’d run away to sea and earned himself cold silence in return. He’d barely spoken to his dad while he’d been in the Navy. When he’d received the call that his dad was dying, he’d rushed home. Even then, his dad hadn’t spoken to him until, out of desperation, he’d promised he’d quit the Navy and go to university, just as he’d wanted Kyrone to. They’d reconciled, but it had come at a bitter cost. Not that Kyrone wanted to go back to the Navy now, but his promise had still trapped him to a degree he hated.
When he reached the crest of a hill that overlooked the city, he wrapped his arms around his waist and turned his face to the sky.
