“I know you’re adept at fitting into social circles without giving anything about yourself away. I know you’re strong and talented. You’ve got the most seductive smile I’ve ever come across, and you know exactly how to push a punter’s buttons so they’ll hand you a dance credit.”
Jag let out a bitter laugh. “And that’s a good thing?”
“In this line of work? Yes.” He cupped Jag’s face in his hand, stroking his cheek with his thumb. “I know you’re a passionate lover.” He leant in for a soft kiss. “But I also know you’ve been closed off emotionally for some time. I know you find it hard to trust anyone, and I also know you’re more worthy than you think.”
Tears welled in Jag’s eyes, making them shimmer. He swallowed a couple of times, not breaking eye contact with Michael.
Michael ran his thumb over Jag’s lips. “I want to be with you,” he whispered. “Not just as ‘fuck buddies’, as you put it, but as your lover.”
He held his breath, wondering if Jag would crumple again or get angry and storm out. He’d laid his feelings on the line. All he could do was wait and see how Jag reacted. He’d already braced himself for losing him, so anything less than that would come as a welcome relief.
“Why couldn’t you have just kept on lying?” Jag’s voice was so forlorn it made Michael’s heart ache.
“Because you deserve better than that,” Michael said. “You deserve honesty and to be treated with respect.”
Jag lifted his hand to trace the curve of Michael’s jaw with his fingertips. He inhaled deeply, possibly gathering courage. “I’m going to say something, but I don’t want you to take it as an invitation to ask me questions, okay?”
Michael nodded uncertainly.
“I just… I need you to understand why I’m less thanyoudeserve.”
“Jag—”
“Sssh. Just listen.”
Michael dipped his chin and remained silent. He wondered how he would handle what this beautiful Adonis wanted to tell him.
“I’m not staying.”
Michael parted his lips.
“I never stay. I can’t. The irony is I’ve been the happiest here out of any of the cities I’ve landed in, but I’ll also be able to move on sooner than usual because you pay better than any other club I’ve worked in. And believe me, I’ve worked in alot.”
“I don’t understand—” Michael began, but Jag silenced him with his hand. This time, Michael made no attempt to stop Jag’s silver-coated fingers from covering his mouth.
“You don’t need to understand why.” Jag blinked back tears. His eyes were rimmed with red, and a couple of tears had slipped free, cutting a trail through the metallic paint that covered his face. “But that’s why I don’t let myself care about people, Michael. It’s why I seek out meaningless sex.” His lips curved into a sad smile. “The thing is, you’re the first guy in a long time who’s made me feel like more than a throwaway twink. I’ve found myself wishing things could be different this time, but they can’t. In a few weeks, I’ll leave. Being with you, knowing how you feel about me, is going to make that unbearably hard.” His hand dropped limply to his side, allowing Michael to speak again.
Michael’s head was spinning. Jag’s words had been both revealing and obfuscating, if that was at all possible. He’d let slip so much whilst continuing to keep his secrets intact. It had sounded like an emotional outpouring but must also have been carefully crafted, however quickly. He tried to process the main points: Jag wasn’t sticking around; he made him feel better about himself; he was going to find it hard to leave. There were several questions he wanted to ask, not least of which waswhyJag would have to leave, but Jag had shut down that question before he’d managed to ask it.
“Can I ask you one thing?” he asked.
Jag flinched. Michael took the reaction as a hesitant ‘yes’.
“You know how I feel about you, but do you have any feelings for me at all?”
Jag’s gaze dropped. Was that a ‘no’? Michael wasn’t sure he could believe that.
He breathed in. “Look me in the eyes and tell me this is still nothing but physical to you.”
Jag shifted his weight from foot to foot but didn’t look up. So Jag did have feelings for him?
“What do we do now?” Michael asked.
Jag stepped back, snaking out of Michael’s grasp. “We stop.”
Michael’s mouth went dry. “Why?”
Jag’s eyes snapped up to meet his again. “Didn’t you listen to anything I said? I’m not sticking around, Michael. Unless you’re a masochist, why would you want to spend time getting closerto me, knowing I’ll walk out of your life in a few weeks?”
