Deborah sighed and patted his arm. "Get all the rest you need." She leaned down to kiss his hair, which was just about the only part of him that he hadn't hidden away.
It was hard not to shrink away from her touch. Would she even want to kiss him, if she knew what he'd been dreaming about? Of course not.
"I'll check in on you when we get home."
Once she was gone, he rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He clenched both of his hands into fists and battered them against the mattress repeatedly. It didn't make him feel any better, it just caused the hand he'd punched the wall with to ache all over again.
He waited until he was sure his parents would have gone before surfacing. He trudged downstairs, checking each room until he found Luc.
His brother was in the lounge, lying on the sofa whilst he watched some inane quiz show on the TV. Not that he seemed to be engrossed, more staring blankly at the screen. Mercifully, the curtains were closed. For once, Luc didn't have his laptop open. His T-shirt had ridden up a little, revealing a pale band of stomach flesh. A trail of dark hair disappeared beneath the waistband of his indigo jeans. Adam gritted his teeth. That definitely wasn't the kind of detail he should have been noticing about his stepbrother.
"Adam." Luc sat up quickly and tugged his T-shirt down. "Are you... okay?" He clasped his hands between his spread knees, his gaze earnest as stared up at Adam.
"No." Adam flopped down in the armchair opposite his stepbrother. "My head is fucked up right now."
Luc's cheek muscles flexed, highlighting his high cheekbones; it was a trait they both shared. "I'm sorry."
Sorry didn't help. Adam leaned forward, elbows propped on his knees. "You left home because of me?" It was as good a place as any to start the difficult conversation they needed to have.
"No. I left because I couldn't stop wanting you, but that's really not the same thing."
Adam tried to digest Luc's words, without much success. "When did you know?"
"What? That I fancied you?"
Adam nodded.
"I was fourteen. We were wrestling and there was a moment when you were staring at me and I just realised that you were fucking gorgeous. I wanted to kiss you. Instead, I pretended I felt sick and ran and locked myself in the bathroom to sort myself out."
Adam closed his eyes for a moment, trying to remember. He did, vaguely, although he'd had no clue that Luc had been lying about being ill.
"It didn't take long for me to realise it wasn't a one off," Luc went on. "I didn't know how to handle it. I felt ashamed." He bowed his head.
"So you backed off?" Adam asked, looking up.
"Yeah. I backed off. I put as much distance between us as I could." He shrugged. "But it didn't help and I hated making you upset."
"But you still did it," Adam said through gritted teeth.
"Because I didn't know what else to do."
"Because it was wrong?" Adam asked. "You knew the way you felt about me was wrong?"
Luc turned his head sharply. "I suppose so."
"You said you were ashamed." Adam's voice rose in pitch and intensity as anger gripped him.
"I was," Luc said finally. "Because I knew no one would understand how I felt. I knewyouwouldn't understand."
Adam dropped his head into his hands and pressed his fingertips hard against his skull. "Because it's wrong."
"We're not related, Adam."
"Our parents are married. Nothing else matters."
Luc sighed. "Why are we even having this conversation? It's obvious the way I feel repulses you. If it makes you feel happier, I'll go stay at a bed and breakfast or something, until I'm done helping Mum and Dad with the dance school."
Would that make Adam feel happier? It would definitely be easier if Luc wasn't under the same roof as him, but he didn't want to be the reason his stepbrother left; not again.
