She reminded him of Alana.
“I was actually worried about you. I hate this holiday. It just seems to rub being alone in the faces of single people. It’s a stupid idea. And you— I was worried about you.” Kaylie shrugged and stared at him, dark eyes snapping with suppressed anger.
“Hey, I had the love of my life. I don’t begrudge other people celebrating what joy they have, and I don’t want you to, either. At least not on my part. On yours... Well. You just wait until we get to Lynx-Nineteen. If you spend a week’s leave there, you’re going to come back with a bracelet on your arm. That’s the equivalent of being engaged—cause Felid rings would never fit your skinny little fingers.”
Kaylie rolled her eyes and crossed her arms on her chest. “I’m not looking.”
“Oh. Well, some people don’t want a relationship at all. Or not until they’re older. Or—” Jax’s words pinched off suddenly. Pressure, unfamiliar and long-dead, filled his throat. “Kay, there’s not someone left behind, is there? Back on Sapien-Three? You never said.”
“There never was. I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve had a lot of lewd comments and people with grabby hands grope me in hallways, but that’s as far as ‘romance’ went.”
A growl filled his chest, and the dark brown and black fur on his neck puffed out, as if blown by an invisible breeze. “If we ever run into them...” He gave a savage snap of his jaws and then sank back, ashamed. “Sorry. That must have seemed pretty feral. Canids aren’t like that. We’re civilized. Well, as civilized as Felids or humans.”
Kaylie blinked and swallowed. “N-no. Not feral. Protective. It’s nice. I never had a friend protect me or stick up for me. Not until I came here. Now I have you and Abigail. I didn’t grow up in a little pack like Layla did with Wendy, Dax, and Elio, where one would save the rest. I never... Sorry. Anyway, yeah, if we ever come across anyone who was a jerk to me, I’ll tell you. And I’ll gladly watch you snap off a hand.”
Jaxson let out a low, rumbling sigh. “Kay... We need a drink.”
His friend’s eyes lit up, her pale pink lips quirking into a devious grin. “Nessa showed me where Kamau keeps thebordein the kitchen.”
“That stuff will strip the anti-combustion coating off of an external engine housing!” Jaxson rose.
“So...”
“So we’d better only have a couple of shots.”
His heart fluttered when she jumped up and took his arm, tiny little form pulling his hulking one along, all glee and skips.
Nothing like Alana. Alana. His Leonid Queen. His warrior. His radiance. So fierce and so sweet.
Oh, yes. So much like Alana, but in such a completely different package.
And he could almost hear her voice tonight, whispering that she loved him more than anything in the universe, in all the galaxies combined—and it was breaking her heart watching him try to crush his own into submission.
Let yourself live again, Jax. Do you really think I want to watch my best friend, my love, my everything, waste all of that big heart on trying to keep it empty?
“THAT’S ALANA, HUH?”
Kaylie touched the holoframe gently, watching a golden, glorious Leonid run laughing on the beach.
“It was a nice gesture.” Jaxson set down two cups and poured a hefty measure ofbordeinto each, the potent Servali spirit instantly stinging her nose, threatening to make her eyes water.
Or maybe that was all the tears she was trying to keep back when she looked around the dining area. The Valentine’s Feast has been full of delicious food, and in tribute to love, Kamau and Nessa had outdone themselves in terms of decorations, setting up holoframes of all the couples on board the ship. Jaxson and Alana were featured, as were Marcus and his late wife, and another one of Marcus and his current wife, Abigail. It hadn’t seemed so sad or hard to understand earlier, when the place was full and laughter and suggestive jokes were flying, and she could tune everything out in a heated debate with Lycen and Elio about how they should spend their annual cycle of leave.
Now, alone with Jaxson in the empty room, her throat was too dry, and her eyes were too wet.
You have a stupid crush on him. This big, rugged hero who could rip you to shreds or snap you in half with one flex of his arm.But he wouldn’t.
And he doesn’t need your post-teenage fantasies and all the crushes that you never had time or safety to have to come out now and mess up a perfectly good friendship.“We should play a game.”
Jaxson snorted. “A drinking game? With this stuff? You’d die, and I’d need a new liver.”
“No! Like... a holiday game. I don’t know. What’s that game you taught us for Federation Day?”
“We can’t celebrate Valentine’s Day with a game of Blast Off! Talos would kill me. He’d think we were under attack, and we’d wake all the cubs. Man, I remember when there were just two, and now there are four, and before you know it, this place... this place is going to be crawling with babies.” Jaxson took a slug of the potent liquor, and his face twitched, some painful emotion not yet drowned in the reddish brown alcohol.
“Maybe we can look up a holiday game for Valentine’s. There have to be some games that aren’t all about love.” And sex.
Why, after having the sex drive of a freeze-dried fish all through puberty and on Sapien-Three, am I suddenly as horny as someone from the Stag Republic?
