She cringed. “I wish I didn’t.”
“Why? Isn’t that what you’re aiming for?”
“Only because I have to. I’m tired of it. All of it. The façade. The game that has no end. Winning it is impossible and winning isn’t something I’ve ever seriously wanted to do.”
She also didn’t want Gunner to see her as a man anymore, but she would never admit that out loud.
He cocked his head. “Then why do it? You know, besides the obvious reason?”
“You already know that answer.”
“Chesnik. Family.” He sighed. “Still fucking cluelesswhythough. Would you follow him anywhere? To the ends of the black universe? To hell?” His voice grew angry and she didn’t know why.
“Yes. No. Maybe.” Elodie frowned. “I don’t know anymore. One time I would’ve followed him anywhere. He’s my dad and he was all I knew but now... I’m not so sure,” she answered honestly.
“But you’d consider it?”
Would she?“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I love him. He’s the only thing I was ever able to love and he’s mydad. It’s always scared me, the thought of losing that love. I mean, what else is there without it?” Elodie lowered her voice despite herself, already slipping into her disguise, albeit unwillingly. “What’s the point of living if you never reallylive? Losing him in the brig was one of the worst experiences of my life. I don’t think humans are meant to be alone.”
“Would you die for him?”
“Of course I would! He’s my dad.” How many times would she have to say it? “But I know I would never have to. He’d never let me and he’d die for me too.” Talking about love made her uncomfortable. Especially with him. “Wouldn’t you die for family?”
“I don’t have any family. So, I wouldn’t be able to answer that. Plus, dying isn’t something a Cyborg can easily do.”
She caught his eyes in the mirror. “No family? What about other Cyborgs? Wouldn’t you consider them family?”
He shook his head. “Don’t look so crestfallen. We’re made the way we are for a reason and although that reason no longer exists, we have freedom and power in place of family. We do have each other, that’s true, but I would never consider the rest of them my family.” He laughed. “Cyborgs can’t stand being around each other for long periods of time. We innately repel.”
“You do?”
“Strong personalities.”
Hmph.“I can see that.”
“Maybe it’s our technology. If you get enough ‘Borgs together we heat up a room like a sauna located on the surface of a star, and that’s before we start fighting,” he added, laughing. “Regardless, we repel.”
“It doesn’t bother you?” She wondered what her life would be like if she didn’t have her dad, the choices she would’ve made.Power and freedom would be nice...“Do you like being alone?”
Gunner didn’t immediately answer her. She watched his face in the mirror as an unreadable expression took away the smirk that bowed his lips.
She suddenly regretted asking and was about to apologize when he spoke.
“That’s a hard question to answer.”
“You don’t have to answer it.”
He shook his head. “I will... It’s just hard to explain.”
He’s at a loss for words?Her brow crinkled.
“I was created half a century ago as a fully grown, functioning human being.” Gunner paused again. “Family and loneliness mean different things to me than they do to you. When I opened my eyes that first time I knew exactly what and who I was. I was born with all the knowledge I needed to exist in this reality. The machine was natural. The human was natural.” He shrugged. “The jackal not so much.”
The jackal?She opened her mouth but he continued talking before she could ask.
