“This place smells of desperation.”Shear’s odd comment broke the tension, a strange talent of his to throw any conversation into disarray without even meaning to.He had no food, but I didn’t offer him any, either.
He could feed himself if he needed to.
“It smells like cheap body spray,” Yun countered.
“That, too, but I mean the acidic smell of desperate ambition.All these espers and guides are hoping they can prove themselves and move up in the world.They don’t see this as a mission to save people, but as one to benefit them.”He crossed his arms as he cast a disgruntled look over the crowd.
Leave it to Shear to identify the nonsense of others, to not just willingly accept it.He lacked the social skills or planning mindset to keep the facts to himself, too.He simply blurted it out as it came to him, no matter how useful those details might have proven if he’d just played the game.
“Isn’t that normal?”Yun asked.“People always want to better their position.”
“It’s a losing game,” Ingram muttered.“No one stays in the top spot for long, and the fall down from it fucking hurts.”He shook his head, the shadows in his eyes ones that I knew all too well.
Yun stared at him—the first time she’d really looked at him this morning, like his words were enough to help her forget about whatever had happened between them.
Then again, she didn’t understand.She couldn’t.The limelight sounded great to those who didn’t stand in it, but they had no idea what it did to a person, what someone had to sacrifice to keep it, or just how hard it hit when it went away.
Good.I didn’t want her to know, because understanding would mean pain for her, and I found myself reluctant to hope for that.
“It isn’t like that’s a surprise,” I said to ease the conversation.“Every grouping like this has espers hoping for a leg up somewhere.It’s to be expected.Just keep your head on straight and do what you need to do, and it’ll be the same as ever.”
A ding from above us had me glancing up toward a PA system just before a distorted voice echoed over the crowd.“Rank testing will start in ten minutes.Please make your way to your section.Thank you.”
“Show time.”I clapped my hands loudly as though excited to get this over with, then smirked at Yun.“Try not to miss us too much.”
I left her sputtering out a broken reply when I winked and turned, heading toward the door, leaving her there with a million responses—none of them nice, I was sure.
Maybe I’d never outgrown being a young boy desperate to pull the pigtails of the girl I liked.If she was annoyed with me, at least she was thinking about me.
That had to be enough.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Yun
I would have figured that being surrounded by guides would make me more comfortable, but it never quite worked out that way.Instead, I felt almost more unnerved, as though they could see right through me, like they knew everything that was wrong with me.
I felt like a broken version, and every last one of them knew it.
Which wasn’t too far off from the truth, given the looks I got.
It wasn’t like it shocked me.I’d been used to guides staring at me like that, which was one reason I preferred not dealing with them when possible.
Kaiden wasn’t anywhere that I could see—and it wasn’t fair to expect him to protect me.
Instead, I pulled my shoulders back and walked into the busy room as though I had no idea that anyone thought anything about me.It wasn’t fake it ’til you make it so much as ‘fuck ’em.’
I spotted a few people I recognized, but none I was close to.I passed by those meandering around the large room and headed for the check-in table.Civilians worked that location—two older men who sat with open laptops in front of them.
“I’m checking in,” I said.“Yun Moore.”
The man on the left typed, his gaze on the screen rather than me.Then again, civilians tended to do that.
They either had hero worship—putting us on some pedestal anyone would fall from—or they acted like we were tools to sacrifice for their wellbeing.
It seemed from the lack of any basic niceties that they viewed guides the second way, as something for their benefit, but not really human at all.
“Rank S.Assigned to Squad S412.”He rambled, his voice bored.“You’ll be ranked again today.”
