People didn’t givedeadthe respect it deserved.
The truth was that it wasn’t death that scared me, but the moments that came before.The fear, the pain—I’d seen them all on the faces of others.
Even more terrifying than dying was the idea of others dying while I could do nothing.It was loneliness, the darkness, being isolated and without others because I’d lived while they’d died.
My breathing sped, turning shallow, making my chest burn.
“She isn’t dead,” Carter offered, his tone softening a hair.“I didn’t even report her, so she’s not going to get any additional punishments.”
Additional?
The word stuck out to me, but I refused to pick at it.If she hadn’t gotten turned over and she was alive, that was enough, right?
“She’ll know better than to try that again, though.I don’t like to repeat myself.”An undercurrent of threat rested in that statement, like a warning to me as well.
I shuddered, the memory of how he’d looked coming back to me, one I still refused to believe.
“Did she say anything?”
“Oh, she said a lot.People tend to run their mouths when they’re scared, after all.It doesn’t really do anyone any favors, but it’s still human nature, I guess.”
“About me.”
“Oh, you mean why they call you Blizzard?Well, I already knew that, so it wasn’t exactly new information.”
I pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around them, setting my chin on top of my knees.Sure, I’d known I had a reputation, but most of the details had stayed quiet because the Guild hadn’t wanted anyone to know about the unstable guide they kept shuffling around from squad to squad.They wanted that to stay hidden, to keep looking just as pristine as ever.
I was their dirty little secret, too potentially useful to get rid of but too unpredictable to be let off the leash.
He turned more fully to face me, one of his legs cocked at the knee on the bed.“How dumb do you take me for?You were called Blizzard, you’ve put espers in the hospital and you refuse to do physical guiding.Do youreallythink I couldn’t have worked that out on my own?It’s like a three-piece puzzle, Yun, I already had a pretty good idea how they fit together.Besides, if the esper you put in the hospital broke that boundary…” He shrugged.“I think he probably had it coming then.”
Thatwas unexpected.So far, I’d gotten nothing like that as a response, not from an esper especially.Most of them explained that the attraction between guide and esper was normal, that neither could really be expected to keep their hands to themselves in the heat of the moment, that guiding was anintimateexchange and contact should be expected.
In short?
This had always been ameproblem.
So hearing Carter say that startled me.
“But—”
“But nothing,” he cut me off.“Boundaries are boundaries.Same goes here.If anyone on our squad gets handsy and ends up with their brain scrambled, well, that’s on us.It’s a good lesson about consent, I figure.Now, go ahead and rest up.Maybe wash your face first?You’ve got drool—” He gestured first in a line at my cheek, then opened his hand and indicated the entire side of my face.“Pretty much all over there.”
He turned to walk away, his back looking even larger than usual, but the memory of what I’d seen wouldn’t go away.
“Was that just my imagination?”I asked without context.
Was that my way of giving him an out?Because I didn’t really want to know?
Probably.
Still, I offered it for us both.
He could say he had no idea what I was talking about, or laugh and tell me my imagination had gotten the best of me, or even ask me just what sort of fantasies I was having about him.
Instead, he paused by the door and spoke without turning back my way.“Instead, I’ll give you some advice.It’s good not to ask questions you really don’t want the answer to.”
Which was an answer all its own, wasn’t it?
