But it will really suck.
On the subway I rehearsed my eating-crow speech, and I’m ready to face the music. So I march right over to Bill Braddock’s messy office and tap on the doorframe.
When he glances up from his desk, he first looks surprised, and then he smiles.
The tightness in my chest eases just a millimeter or two. “Got a second?”
“For you? Of course. Shut the door, Coach.”
My brain is working overtime to decode those short sentences. He’s still calling me “Coach,” so that’s good. But as the door clicks shut I wonder if I’ll still have that title when I open it again.
“You look better,” he says when I sit down in the visitor’s chair.
“I feel better,” I say immediately. “Finally got all the drugs out of my system. Got some exercise. Things are looking up.” This is all true, but I probably sound like I’m overselling it.
“Have you been to the doctor for a medical release yet?”
I shake my head. “Just flew in last night and coming to see you was at the top of my list. But I’ll take the first appointment they can give me.”
“Good.” He picks up a puck—the only kind of paperweight a coach ever has on his desk—and twirls it in his fingers. “I apologize again for not listening when you told me your co-coach used hurtful language.”
My first impulse is to say, “No big deal, sir.” But I’ve given this some more thought, and now I’m kind of pissed at myself for letting it go before.
“I’m ready to file that report,” I say instead. “I’d like to make my complaint official.” Even though I don’t feel personally targeted by Danton’s language, it’s myjobto stop another coach from saying “faggot” every third word. Even if pointing a finger makes me uncomfortable. “We’re trying to raise admirable young men, and they shouldn’t hear an authority figure making slurs.”
Braddock nods vigorously. “That is absolutely true. I have to print out a new form for you, though. Instead of filing a complaint, you may choose to file a letter in support of another complaint.”
I search my mind, trying to recollect what he might be talking about, but I come up empty. The only complaint I know about is the one againstme. “What do you mean?”
He grins. “Someone already filed a complaint against Danton’s language, and it’s going to the disciplinary committee on the same day as the complaint against you.”
My spine tingles. “Who filed it?”
“Your team. Every last player. They got wind of Danton’s complaint—you know this place, it’s a gossip mill—and they got all riled up. They stormed my office after practice and demanded to argue on your behalf. So I acquainted them with our disciplinary system and they channeled their displeasure into a proper complaint.”
For the first time in ten days I actually feel a little lightheaded. “Seriously?”
He raises his right hand. “God’s honest truth. Their complaint is eight pages long, detailing instance after instance of inappropriate, homophobic language. And a few racial slurs, too. I drank a very large glass of scotch after reading it. I had no idea things were so bad.”
I had to lock my jaw together to avoid saying “I told you so.”
“So…” He clears his throat. “Please submit an accounting of your own experience, and it will be added to the file. The committee takes all complaints seriously.”
“Including the one against me,” I add.
“Right. But I’m sure the committee will acknowledge your spotless employment record with us and with your former position at the Elites camp. And then there’s the matter of the complaints against Danton, and your temporary ill health. They may be inclined to give you a warning only. They can do that on a first offense.”
The words “first offense” make me feel squirrelly inside. Those words aren’t supposed to apply to me. Ever.
Bill makes a pup-tent out of his hands and studies me. “I had something I wanted to run by you. A suggestion I might make to the committee when they consider how to resolve the complaint against you.”
“What is it?” If he knows a magic trick for getting me out of trouble, I’m all ears.
“We’ve never done any diversity training with our staff, and I want to start. In exchange for closing out the complaint against you with merely a letter in your file, what would you think about speaking to the staff about your experiences?”
“My…experiences?”
“With homophobia. You could talk to the staff about what it’s like to be a gay man in sports. Tell them your story. The cure to fighting prejudice is finding common ground, right? I want my staff to understand your unique perspective, because it’s probably not as unique as they think. You could do some good just by sharing your experience with the subject.”
