I smirk. “You’re already hot.”
She rolls her eyes and pats my side of the bed. “Don’t change the subject.”
I nod and grab the heavy quilt she must have tossed on the chair earlier. The second I settle beside her, I wrap myself in it and let out a small involuntary shiver of content.
She smiles a little. “Comfy?”
I nod. “Don’t worry, I’ll still leave… if you want.”
She shakes her head immediately. “I don’t.” Her gaze drops to her lap. “I haven’t slept well this past month.”
I give a tired half-smile. “Me neither.”
Lore looks at me expectantly. “So?”
I let out a long breath, dragging a hand over my face. “That call I got in the parking lot.”
She nods for me to go on.
“It was this woman. Girl, really. Parents couldn’t reach her. Her dorm mate hadn’t seen her. We headed over, started the investigation… and right then we got another case.”
My voice tightens. “A child. A little girl. Her father didn’t drop her off like he was supposed to. The mom said he’d recently lost his job.”
Lore’s face softens with dread, understanding.
I clench my jaw. “We had to choose. Not abandon a case, but prioritize. And I… I…” My throat works around the words. “All signs pointed to the girl at the dorm just… wandering off. Losing track of time. But the father, he’d lost his job, was under pressure, I was scared he’d do something. So, I…”
“You picked the child,” she finishes quietly where I trail off.
I nod. “I was right. He…” My voice cracks, and I have to swallow hard before I can keep going.
“He’d locked her in a closet while he got high. We got to him in time, and the little girl was fine. Scared, hungry… but fine.”
“And the other girl?” Lore asks.
I pull the comforter tighter around myself like it can shield me from the memory.
“She…” My throat closes. “We found her body just before midnight.”
“Patrick,” Lore whispers.
I don’t look at her. I can stillhearthe way the mother wailed when we told her. I’ve heard that cry before. It’s enough to make a grown man cry.
“It wasn’t your fault,” she says.
I shake my head quickly and wipe a tear before it fully falls. “It was.”
Lore touches my chest, her palm resting on my heart. “You made a decision no one should ever have to make. Don’t judge yourself based on the results you have now. I’ve made that decision and it’s unfair to blame yourself.”
My head snaps toward her. “You have?”
She nods slowly. “In the ER… having to choose who gets to go to surgery immediately and who can wait an hour. Not all of them make it.”
I cover her hand on my chest. “You never said.”
She shrugs, eyes soft. “We both have really terrible, sad jobs. I’m guessing this wasn’t your first bad one.”
I look away. “I just… don’t want you to feel bad. When we talk about our days, it’s always grim. I want happy things when I’m not out there.”
