Alas, I’m not a man. I refuse to let sex or the lack of it, steer my decisions, no matter how badly I crave him, his touch, or our connection.
I open my eyes and whisper to no one, “Therapy better work.”
Because I may not be a man, but I’m still human. And I swear Patrick knows.
Every time he kisses me in front of Milo… every time he brushes my waist in passing… I have to remind myself, force myself to remember he broke my heart.
The thing is… lately that reminder is getting harder and harder to hold onto.
Am I crazy to hold a grudge this long? I don’t want to, but I feel like Ihaveto. So, I do.
Only… I’m not mad anymore. Not like before. He gave up drinking. He’s trying. He hasn’t pushed me. He hasn’t demanded forgiveness. He hasn’t guilt-tripped me or acted like I owe him anything. He’s been… good. Patient.
And everything is done. It’s over.
So why the hell am I making this such a big deal?
Why does the anger feel like a coat I can’t take off even though I’m sweating underneath it?
I sigh, rubbing the small of my back again. I’m going to have to figure out why. Maybe it’s hormones. Maybe it’s fear.
Thankfully, I have therapy to figure that out.
So… yay.
Patrick
“So… when was the last time you had sex?”
Lorelie bursts out laughing.
I stare at our therapist with my jaw on the floor. This isdefinitelynot the first question I expected out of a licensed professional’s mouth. Well… not the first, but it’s damn close.
Lore is slapping her knee beside me, laughing so hard she’s wheezing.
I give her a glare. She knows how much sex-talk freaks me out. I’m not a prude, I just prefer to keep what I do with my wifebetween me and my wife.
She gasps between giggles, wiping at her eyes. “I’m sorry-I’m sorry, I swear I’m not laughing atyou.”
Dr. Kendall just waits politely, hands folded.
I clear my throat. “I, uh… don’t really see what that has to do with our marriage.”
“Well,” Dr. Kendall says mildly, “a marriage without sex is just roommates with kids.”
“Well, we’re fine in that department,” I say.
Lore snorts.
Dr. Kendall turns. “Mrs. Boise, do you have something to add?”
Lore sees the look on my face, mydon’t you dareface and shakes her head quickly.
“Therapy isn’t about biting your tongue,” Dr. Kendall says, not missing a beat.
Lore studies me and I know she remembers one of the hard limits I set early on: I don’t discuss our sex life with other people.Judge me if you want, I don’t care. I think the marital bed is sacred, not something to be dissected over coffee.
But I promised her I’d try in therapy. So…I nod.
