He debated with himself for a moment, whether he should try to talk to her or not, when she broke the silence again.
“I’m sorry,” Iviry offered softly.
His brows drew together, alerting him to the budding ache starting across his temples. “Whatever for?”
“The bond. That I’m not her. Everything I can’t be for you and everything I have to be.” Iviry refused to meet his eyes when they traveled across her face. “I know it’s a lot. It’s… it’s killing me. And I don’t… I don’t know what to do.”
Loche eyed her for a moment before he sighed and moved to rest against the wall beside her, his eyesfocusing on the sea playing outside the rounded window opposite them.
“Don’t be sorry,” he responded after a while. “Be whatever you want, but not sorry.”
Out of the corner of his eye, he could tell she inclined her chin for a second as silence settled over them again, and memories of the day whirled in Loche’s mind.
Training with her and realizing how competitive she was.
How her tongue poked between her teeth as she concentrated.
How beautiful she’d looked in that pink dress when the crowd parted for her.
How right it had felt holding her in his arms as they danced.
“I’m not sorry,” Loche blurted out when shadows moved across the clothing-littered floor, streams of light joining them, telling him dawn was coming fast. “I don’t… I don’t want you to be her. I’m glad you’re nothing like her.”
Iviry’s swallow didn’t sound reassuring at all, so he forced himself to continue.
“I don’t understand the bond. Not like you do. But if it had to be with someone, I am glad it’s you.” A yawn stuck in his throat, and he cleared it before continuing. “I’m glad it’s you who’ll be by my side. I trust you. I respect you. You make me believe… that we might be able to do this. That we can win. That we can create a new world.”
He turned to her and realized her eyelids were fluttering as well, tiredness taking over. While he knew he should get off the bed, especially after what she’d told him earlier about not wanting to pretend when othersweren’t around, he tugged her to him, a soft sigh leaving him as her head settled against his chest.
“I don’t know if this is a dream or reality either,” Loche whispered when a soft snore echoed around the room. “But…”
A small smile lifted his lips when the snoring grew louder. “I am also not sure if I care.”
Chapter 23
Lessia
Lessia’s knuckles were as white as the faces around the somber dinner table tonight as she leaned over the balcony, staring at the darkness seeping between the dark bushes and trees beneath her.
They’d all forced food into their mouths—Lessia couldn’t even remember what they’d actually eaten—and while there had been sorrow in the silence, Kerym’s smiles between bites and Soria’s and Pellie’s still awe-filled faces as they whispered to each other about what had just happened had been a nice distraction.
Merrick had acted strangely—had been entirely quiet during dinner and then disappeared as soon as he knew she was safe in their room—but she wasn’t surprised. She knew his mind by now and was quite certain that his thoughts were consumed with ways to keep her alive.
An angry rush of air hissed through her clenched teeth. How she wished he didn’t have to. She was so tired of the twists and turns. Of the power and powerlessness.Of fate and prophecies and having no choice. It was as if she had several ropes tied to her limbs, and they were pulling her in different directions.
One urgently toward the north, to help her friends fight a war they’d likely lose.
One toward an unknown place, to find the one who could keep her alive.
One toward Merrick, to go away with him and never look back, figuring out life as they went.
One toward Vastala, the land that had never been hers but that she’d freed all the same.
It felt as if the tethers would rip her apart, tear her limb from limb until the only thing left was what fate and the gods and everyone who’d forced her onto this path wanted in the end.
A broken Queen of Nothing.
Her shoulder shook from holding back the rage building within her. The only thing she’d wanted in life was choice. And yet… once again, she stood before an impossible one.
