Perhaps not ever.
Her eyes left Merrick’s, seeking out Raine’s hazel ones.
Guilt simmered in them as well, and a sharp pain jabbed into her chest when they flicked to her sister, then back to Lessia.
She hadn’t yet spoken to him about what had happened when she died. There had been opportunities, but… how did you tell someone that their mate knew he was about to move on, and that she supported it? How did you tell them it wasn’t their time? Especially when the one he was about to move on with was her own sister?
Releasing a long breath, Lessia made up her mind. Something had touched her consciousness the past few days, something that Solana had said, ringing in her thoughts whenever she was awake or asleep.
Lessia swept her gaze around the room, finding worry and fear in every face that stared back at her, before capturing Raine’s eyes again.
“I don’t want to die now either,” she admitted quietly, although it still seemed too loud for the silentroom. “But when I did… I met someone. I… I spoke to someone.” Lessia swallowed, and Raine’s brows drew together, confusion mingling with the shame in his face when Lessia continued addressing him. “I somehow ended up back on my family island, but it wasn’t my parents who met me there. I… I found Solana instead.”
Merrick’s unmoving chest was the only thing betraying his shock, and she leaned back into it, hoping he’d see it as the apology she’d intended.
She hadn’t been able to speak to anyone about what had happened—for some reason, the moment had been significant, even if it was so short, and she’d needed the time to process it herself.
Raine’s eyes were glued to hers when she continued. “I… I didn’t understand why she was there and not my parents. But I’m wondering… She told me something that stuck with me. She told me that for some of us, something bigger is planned. Somehow… I think that goes for all of us in this room. And…”
Lessia’s eyes moved back to Merrick. “She told me that you were about to break every rule the gods ever put in place. And the way she said it… it sounded like…” She swallowed. “Like you were always meant to do that. I didn’t think too much of it at the time, but after seeing those souls, after feeling the power in my veins…”
It was so quiet it seemed like even the storm didn’t dare interrupt, and Lessia could see a glimmer of understanding shining in Pellie’s green and Soria’s blue eyes.
“What if killing the king wasn’t the purpose of my life? What if… what if there is something else that I am—that we are—meant to do?” Lessia wasn’t sure if she made any sense, but the thought had played on her mind the entire time they traveled to Korina.
If the only reason for her being born was killing the king… why had she gotten to come back? And with new powers? It didn’t make sense.
“A balance,” Soria mused. “What if you came back to balance out something other than the king? We were never told what the veiled queens’ reasons for existence were.”
“I don’t think our people know,” Pellie added. “I think… it’s the nature of magic. Something somewhere is too strong, and you are needed to counter it.”
“Could it be the Oakgards’ Fae?” Kerym broke in. “Their magic works differently from ours.”
“But they’re just Fae,” Merrick said quietly, his hands running up and down Lessia’s back. “They can tap into a more powerful source, yes. But they can be killed all the same, and if we can get our people to collaborate… we can win. Why would Lessia need all these souls to counter it?”
Lessia’s heart thumped in the moments that followed, everyone seemingly falling deep into thought as a thick silence layered across the dusty sitting room, only the flames from the fireplace crackling in it.
She’d had these strange thoughts the past week, but today… after using that ancient, strange source of power within her? She’d felt it more strongly—that there was something she needed to understand. Something she was missing.
“I think we need to ask them,” she stated when no one spoke.
Her eyes found Frelina’s, and her sister squared her shoulders, shooting Lessia a quick nod of agreement when Ardow and Kerym mumbled something about thedanger and even Merrick tensed so hard his muscles played against her back.
“Not at this exact moment,” Lessia continued. “I… we need rest, and I promised to visit with Ydren, but I need to find out as much as I can.Weneed to gather as much information as possible. It’s… Solana didn’t say it was only me. I think somehow… everyone in this room is in the right place right now. I… can feel it.”
Merrick’s slow exhale blew through her hair, and she could tell he wanted to speak to her—needed to speak to her, or perhaps just needed her—so she got to her feet when no one said anything else.
But before she spoke to Merrick… there was someone else she needed to talk to first.
“Raine?” Lessia asked, her voice lowering. The Fae appeared to be in shock. “Can I speak to you outside?”
The storm might still be raging, but this conversation would be uncomfortable enough that the rain and wind might be a blessing.
Raine’s eyes were still unfocused as he rose, and she wondered for a second whether she’d need to steer him, but thankfully, the Fae was able to take the few steps to the door, and when she opened it, he passed through it without a word.
Casting a quick look over her shoulder, colliding with Merrick’s dark eyes, she knew he understood to give her a few minutes before he followed, and she smiled weakly before falling into step behind Raine, walking right into the harsh gusts, the salt and smoke pricking her nose.
Raine stood with his back to her, his red hair darker from the water weighing it down, and his gaze fixed on the black cliffs that piercedthe sea. They fell so sharply they almost appeared to have been polished, for how smooth the vertical drop was.
