I force myself to swallow and then nod. I know he can see my chest rise and fall from the deep breaths I’m taking in through my nose, but I refuse to open my mouth to pant out my small panic that Kooper, out of everyone else, is seeing me. The real me and not some image I put on. I doubt even my dad knows who I am. How can he whenIbarely know? I’m an act. That’s all I’ve ever been since I learned how. Be what others want to see. Be the person they expect. Hide your own thoughts and feelings because no one gives a damn about them but you. Well, Mom did. But she’s gone. And I swore not to be soft again after her death. I have to be hard. I have to show everyone that I’m unbreakable. I’m not about to let what happened then happen again. When I fell completely apart and let anyone say or do anything to me if it made them feel big. I was too lost in my head with grief to stand up for myself. Dad wasn’t any better back then. We finally both got better with time. It just sucked while we went through it.
“I know.” I want it to come out harsh, like I don’t care. But it sounds weak, even to my own ears.
“You don’t have to be strong all the time.” There’s no sass or smirk behind his words, no hidden jab I can find, but I still feel it. He might think he knows me, but he has no clue.
“Yeah, and who’s going to put me back together when I fall? You?” I narrow my eyes at him before snorting and shaking my head as I look down and pick at my nails.
It’s a cheap shot. We both know I’m on the outside of most things. Not in the club because I’m female, but still close enough because I was born into it. Not a civilianbecause of who my parents are, but still have to play as if I am, since I’ve got no place else to make a name for myself. I’m outside and inside in both areas. Stuck in the in-between. Sounds like a bad horror movie.
“I’ll make sure your roommate knows where you are.”
I hear him push the curtain open, then close it and walk away. Only when I can’t make out the distant sound of his boots on the hospital floor do I look up and stare at the spot where he was standing.
I don’t know why I don’t like the guy. Since he became a prospect, I’ve never liked him. He pisses me off all the time, and mostly it’s just because he’s there. He’s annoying. Pigheaded. Arrogant.
Sure, his ass is nice in jeans, and the tattoos on his arms are brilliant, but looks only get you so far in life. Just ask any vamp. Every woman who decides they want to be a fuck buddy at the club is gorgeous. No doubt about it. But not a single one is someone I want to get personable with. And the same is to be said for them wanting to get to know me. Some people just don’t click. You know it the second you meet. That’s Kooper and me. We aren’t meant to click. Which makes him the ideal candidate to be my babysitter in my dad’s eyes, I’m sure.
The curtain is pushed back, and I react as much as I can, sitting upright in my bed. They still have me hooked up to a machine for who knows what. When I see who it is, I gasp.
“What the hell, Nat? What happened to you?”
When I asked if she could ride with Abigail and me in the ambulance, I was told she’d already left. I never evenasked why she was in an ambulance of her own. Figured it was the same as us, just a precaution or some shit. But no. My girl has full-on bandages all over her nose and looks like a serial killer with half a mask on.
“Broken nose. Princess’s mom hit me when I was trying to help keep her in the car and not get kidnapped.”
“Shit. Princess’s mom did this? Why didn’t they tell me? Is Princess all right? Areyouall right?” I feel betrayed on a whole other level right now.
“Not sure if they knew. I just told your dad when I passed him in the hall. He said he was on his way to get Bulldog and take him to Princess’s room. And other than looking like a freak for a few days, I’ll live. It’s just a broken nose. I’ve had worse.”
I raise a brow. “Really?”
She laughs kind of awkwardly and then shakes her head. “No, but I’m trying to stay positive about it.”
I nod but don’t believe her. Every now and then, Nat says things that make me think there’s more than she’s letting on. She claims to be an orphan who got a scholarship for school and works on campus to pay for rent and stuff. She’s wicked smart, so some of it might be true, but I’m not sure about all of it. But I don’t push her. Never have, and don’t think I ever will. Sometimes we have to have secrets, not only to save ourselves but others. God knows I do. If she doesn’t pry into my life, I’ve got no reason to pry into hers.
For now, at least.
“Come on.” I pull the stuff off me, ignoring the beeps. I’m done with this hospital. “Let’s find Abigail and get home.”
“Think I saw her talking to some of your dad’s friends in one of the waiting rooms.”
Nat keeps in line with me, both of us ignoring everyone as we make our way out of the emergency room. Surprisingly, not a single person stops us. Either they want me out just as much as I want to be gone, they don’t care about their patients, or my dad already fixed things for me to leave. Might also help that General, a club brother, is one of the resident doctors here and has enough pull to make things happen.
“You can call them brothers, you know.”
“But theyareyour dad’s friends. Or I guess the guys who work for him. Besides, none of them aremybrother, so it feels strange to call them that.”
I just shrug. It’s never felt weird for me. It’s just who they are. I call them a brother, and they call me Law’s kid. Not all of them get along with me, and some are more of a brotherly love than others. But I know how clubs work, and I like the Hounds. Not just because I was born into it. I’ve been around long enough to have seen a few other clubs come in or met some on the road. Not every club out there treats its family the same as the Hounds. I’ve got a good thing here, I know that. I also like the fact that not every single Hound is a dick. Can they be? Oh hell yeah. They have one, so it comes with the territory. But I know my dad would never let anyone in the club who’s a complete jackass. If my dad approves of them, then I show my respect. Not only because they’re Hounds, but because I respect my dad’s judgment. If I didn’t, we would have a shit relationship.
My dad is one of my best friends. Sometimes I feel like I can’t talk to him, but he tries. He really does. He wantsme close not only to keep me safe but because he likes that we hang out. We connect. I’m not a daddy’s girl or a tomboy type. I’m just Ruby. I know the rules of all sports worth watching. I can shoot and throw a knife at a target with general accuracy. I can rotate my tires and change my oil. But I can also put makeup on and not look like I’m trying too hard. I can walkandrun in six-inch heels. I’m a badass pretty girl. My mom and dad taught me so much. They gave me everything.
All I ever want to do is make them proud. Even if it’s all built up in my head.
At least that’s what the school shrink says. I got a free session once and tried it out. You know, give everything in college a try at least once. Except drugs. That’s a hard no. I’ve seen too many people strung out on that shit to know better.
The shrink said I put my dad on a pedestal, one too large for me to climb up and be on his same level. That it’s all in my head about never being good enough to be his daughter or something. I said he was shit, told him to fuck off, and left fifteen minutes before the session was supposed to end.
I know how badass I am. I know I’m a fucking awesome girl. I’ve got a minor flaw, though. A part of me thinks I need to prove to my old man and, by association, the entire club that I’m just as good as them. I get that it’s my issue. The whole “only men in the club, no women” rule was never something I could wrap my mind around as a child. I always told my dad I was going to run the club with him when I was small. Each time, he told me I couldn’t. That just further cemented that I should. Or prove that I was just as good despite my girly parts.
