He slams the door to the bathroom, and I glare as I see Natalie jump. She’s still here. Listening and watching allthis bullshit and not saying anything. She looks at me, and I sigh. I’m over all this drama, and it’s not even eight in the morning.
“I think we need coffee,” she says before going into the kitchen and starting a pot.
Some days I don’t trust her. Things she does or says make me question her. Especially with everything that went down with Abigail and then the club lying about Dad. It’s easier to question things now. To question people. Things I might have only thought odd before are now suspicious.
Like when she sees a random person and just goes off on them, telling them to back up when I never even saw them get close to her. It’s like a switch that flips in her brain. It seems random at best when it happens. And then she disappears for a few days. Not completely gone, just avoiding me and locking her door and shit.
But when she comes over and hands me a cup of coffee fixed how I like, I can’t help but be grateful that she’s in my life right now. I might not know her, not everything. But when I need her? She seems always to be there, even if I do keep her at arm’s length and don’t tell her a lot. Similar to what she does with me.
It’s probably why I decide now is the time to share. Because after everything that went down this morning, Nat was content to just sit on the couch and drink coffee in silence with me.
“I think I raped Koop.”
The amount of coffee that spews over our table is hilarious. Disgusting and not something I want to clean, but funny all the same.
“I’m sorry, what?” She shakes her head as she sets down her mug and wipes off the liquid she spat out on herself.
“He said to stop, but I stuck it in any way.”
Last night, I was cognitive. I was horny like I’ve never been horny before in my life, but I was able to make up my own mind. I could have opened the nightstand drawer and pulled out my nighttime toy. I could have used my own hand. Or hell, gone into the shower and used the detachable spray. It’s always hit all the right spots before.
But I didn’t.
Instead, I begged. Something I never thought I would do in my life. I begged and pleaded. And when that didn’t get me an immediate answer, I pounced. I took matters into my own hands and made sure he couldn’t refuse.
That’s probably why he was so mad at me this morning. I got him drugged. I know he was as messed up as I was. Maybe it was a different reaction for him, though. Maybe he wasn’t all there like I was, and I took advantage. I forced him to do something he hated, and when I woke up, the spell was broken.
But then why did he wake you in the middle of night to do it again? Why did he call you Peaches if he was forced? Why did he grab your hips and keep you there as he pounded into you?
My brain is telling me it was a mistake. My heart? Well, that bitch is saying something else. Something I’m not ready for. Especially not after I just cut myself off from my dad and the club.
That was the plan last night, anyway. Leaving the hospital, calling Nat, and going out was meant to be my big “welcome to reality” party. A party where I said goodbye to club life and hello to townie life. Sure, I got drugged on my first big adventure, but that’s just how life goes. Just when you think it can’t get worse, it does.
But it didn’t. Kooper showed.He stayed. He’s here.
I shake my head at my heart’s speech. Some people say it’s your conscience that talks to you. I say it’s your heart. She and my brain are usually on the same page, so I rarely have these internal arguments. But that seems to be something of the past. No more peaceful moments with everything in sync. Now it’s all out of balance and shit.
“I doubt he saw it like that.”
I shrug. “Guys are weird. If they get raped, I bet they tell themselves they wanted to do it anyway or something.”
Nat shakes her head. “Trust me, girl. Kooper wasn’t raped by you or anyone last night. He has, what, a hundred-plus pounds on you? You really think you could have overpowered him and forced him to do something?”
I bite my lip, and my shrug is smaller as I sink lower into the couch. “We were drugged.”
“Again, have you seen that man? Goliath doesn’t even begin to describe him. He had your drink. Which was already like a third gone from what you drank of it. Who knows what was in it? Even then, I highly doubt that there was enough in there to affect you and him the same. It doesn’t make sense in a scientific way at all. The math doesn’t add up. Trust me, if the guy wanted to stop it, he could have.”
I let her words sink in and really listen to them. It quiets parts of my brain I didn’t know were screaming at me till then.
“So….” I look at her as she picks up her drink, taking smaller sips than before, I note. “You and Kooper really had sex?”
On any other day, I would have pointed out the obviousness of her question. Like the fact that I just admitted it. Or that I’m sure she heard it, and that’s what had her sleeping in past her 7:00 a.m. ritual wake-up time.
But all I do is nod. And when the shower cuts off, I look at the bathroom door. I feel something on the horizon. Something big is coming, and I don’t know how I feel about it. Either with the club, or with Kooper, or both.
And I don’t know if I like it or hate it.
“Want to go for a drive?”
