“Club’s got you, Ruby girl. Club’s here for you.”
I squeeze my eyes shut tight and let one last tear fall down my cheek before I step away. I look at him. Disheveled from me but still strong and steady as always. A pillar for the club. Someone to hold shit up when everything else falls.
But I can’t let him hold me. I’ve got to learn to hold myself. With Mom and now Dad gone, I need to figure shit out on my own.
I always said I wanted to do it on my own. Never knew this was what they meant when they said to be careful what you wish for.
I turn and start walking back.
“Ruby,” he calls out, and I stop. I don’t look back, but I stop. “We’ll get through this. I promise.”
“Okay.”
That’s all I can say. I don’t believe him. That’s what Dad would have said. Now look at where he is. Dead. And look at where I am.
Alone. Always alone.
The beeping of the machines keeps me grounded in the hospital room as I look out at the storm. We don’t get enough rain in Kansas, but it seems to be a constant thing lately. As if the entire state is weeping the loss of one man. That’s all we lost in the war the Russians brought to our doorstep, but it was enough.
The door creaking open doesn’t disturb me enough to turn and look at whichever nurse has come in for their hourly check. Milly’s been under sedation since her last surgery. The internal bleeding did more damage than they wanted. They’re hoping to pull her out of it soon, but with the way she moves so much while she’s asleep, General’s worried she’ll pull her stitches. He has his medical team checking on her often, but I stay here when they aren’t. I might not have a nursing degree, but I know how to push a call button and assist enough to keep her from bleeding out till someone comes in and takes over.
“Any change?”
I turn at the roughness in Bass’s voice. He’s staring at his girl as he categorizes every wound he can see. There’s so much more that he can’t see, but I’m sure he has the full report from General. He’s been here a few times. We take turns. But he was called away for Church. Something my dad used to call; now someone else does. Not sure who it is. I’d guess Bulldog, since he’s the VP, but who knows for how long. A club can’t be without a leader for long. Sooner or later, they’re going to have to vote on someone to take Dad’s place.
I swallow hard and look back out the window.
“No.”
The creak of the door pulls my attention, and I see it’s Kooper. We hold each other’s stare. I haven’t spoken to him since he told me about Dad. We’ve seen each other, just haven’t spoken. When I left him in the clearing, I went back and helped. I did everything asked and not asked. Then, when that was all done, I came here. I go back to the club to rest when Bass comes in. I’m not about to go home. I’ve got a place at the club. Always did. A room just for me. Dad had it that way. Might seem like torture to go back to the place he ran, but I’d rather be in a bed and a room that has less of me and him than what I have at my childhood home. Where his smell still lingers. Where things he left out in hopes of putting away would still be there. It’s what happened when Mom died. I know it’ll be the same for him now that he’s gone.
I’m strong. Or I like to pretend I am. But I’m not strong enough to go home yet.
Bass sits in the chair beside the bed and pulls Milly’s hand to him, kissing her knuckles. “He didn’t win, sweetheart. He thinks he has, but he hasn’t. I promise you won’t wake to having him in your nightmares. I swear it. To both you and Ollie. I’ll bring you his damn head to have you rest easy.”
Rising, he pushes her hair back and kisses her head before leaning his forehead against hers. I don’t know if he whispers something or just soaks in her touch, but he only hovers for a moment before he stands and straightens.
“Look after her for me,” he says, and then he’s out of the room, leaving me alone with Kooper.
I look at him and wait. I know there’s more. Bass wouldn’t be saying that, leaving like that, if there wasn’t.
“We’re going after them.”
“Who?” He knows I’m asking who’s going, not who they’re going after.
“Bass, Domino. The prospect who was with us before.”
I nod. The prospect will be a brother soon with the way he keeps making waves in the right way. First with going after Ollie to bring him back and now this, it seems.
“And me.”
I flex my hands, but he can’t see them as I have them folded around me. Seems to be my permanent position of late. Like if I hold myself tight enough, I’ll be able to hold myself together. But I can’t. Not the way I felt for a split second when I was in his arms. But I hate him. I hate him for telling me my worst fear. I hate him for being the one who was there and didn’t call me. I hate that he got to see my dad’s last moments.
And I hate that I wake up calling out his name and wanting him there to hold me just for a second longer. To make me feel like I’m truly not alone and that I have the club, and him, behind me.
“When?”
“Tonight. We’re on a flight going out in a few hours. Got a few contacts working on getting us somewhere to stay and some intel about Ivan’s place. We want to get this done and come back before it’s too late.”
