The thought kills me a little. It's been killing me ever since he left. I don't want this to be over. I don't want to ruin something so damn good because I'm in my feelings. But it's so damn hard to untangle the way I feel. He makes me crazy happy. And losingthis place makes me crazy sad. It's all twisted up together with the exact same starting point. How do you go about separating something that shares the same thread?
I don't know.
"You're quiet," Jazz says once Sarah is on her way to meet her date, with Olive leaving behind her to go home. "You okay?"
"Yeah, fine." I huff a breath, my shoulders hunching. "No. I think maybe you were right."
"I usually am. About what this time?"
"Me and Lincoln," I whisper. "Maybe we aren't meant to work out, and I was stupid to think we could."
"I never said that," Jazz protests.
"It's true, though, isn't it?" I ask, my eyes on the woodgrain of the counter. It's blurry with tears. "He was so weird before he left yesterday. It's starting to feel like maybe I'm deluding myself into thinking this could work."
"Do you want it to work?" she asks.
"So bad," I whisper, my heart in my throat. "I…"
"You love him."
I nod, swallowing hard. "I don't even know how it happened. It wasn't supposed to happen! But now it has, and I don't know what to do. I'm going to lose him and my building, all because I let myself like him when I knew it was a stupid thing to do. I don't want to lose him, Jazz. I don't want his bid on this building to be between us forever, but it already feels like it's a mountain standing in the way."
And it's so stupid. It's just a building, right? Except…it's not. It's about more than that. This is my dream, the one thing I've sacrificed everything to make work. I've poured my soul into this place; from the café I designed to the paint colors I mixed to the shelves Jazz and I installed ourselves. And now, I have to watch it be torn down to fit someone else's dream.
I'm trying to be okay with that, but now, for some reason,heisn't okay with it. I don't get it. He's getting what he wants. So why does it still feel like it's coming between us?
"There's a simple solution to this," Jazz says, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and then laying her head against mine. "Call your dad. Let him buy the building. Lincoln told me that he won't try to outbid you. I think he wants you to win, Lilah. You just have to want it, too."
"I do want it."
"You have to want it bad enough to call your dad," she corrects. "You think having family in your corner is a bad thing, but you're wrong. You aren't running to your dad to solve all your problems, bestie. You're running to him for help solving the ones too big for you to solve on your own. That's what you're supposed to do. It's what he'd want you to do. Don't break your own heart here."
Maybe she's right. Hell, she's usually right. I'm just…stubborn. I've always been stubborn, unwilling to lean on anyone because I wanted to do it all by myself. I wanted to be responsible for myself and my dreams and goals, because I've always felt like if they were only mine, they somehow meant more. But life isn't supposed to be a solitary endeavor, is it? We're supposed to lean on each other.
Maybe this is the universe's way of teaching me that lesson. I can't do everything on my own. Not unless I want to risk losing more than I can afford. And I can't afford to lose Lincoln.
"I'll call him," I sigh, giving in because she's right. She's been right all along. And if I don't start listening, I'm not just going to lose the building of my dreams, I'm going to lose the man of my dreams, too. I can't take that risk. It's just not worth it.
"Really?" Jazz asks.
"Really."
She squeals, flinging her arms around me in a bone-crunching hug. "Fucking finally!" she shouts in my ear. "Oh my god, Lilah. I thought we were going to have to pack this whole store, and I was going to have to stop talking to you for at least a year. You know how much I hate manual labor."
I chuckle, shaking my head. "Don't start packing yet."
"Oh, I'm not." She plants her lips against my cheek in a big kiss. "I'm going to dinner with Loralei."
"I thought you were helping me close tonight."
She shrugs, shooting me an impish grin. "No can do. River Jamison gave a talk at the library last year, which means she knows him. Which means she can help me convince him to hold his next signing here."
"I thought you decided he was a jerk?"
"He is a jerk. And he's rude. And he had the audacity to threaten to have me removed from his property." Her eyes flash unholy fire. "Obviously, I'm going to torture him until he agrees to give me what I want."
"You're going to end up with a restraining order."
