I just stare at her, my heart pounding so hard it's a dull roar in my ears. Lilah isn't bidding on the building. Jesus Christ.
"What about her father?" I'm not even finished asking the question before Jasmine is shaking her head at me.
"She won't ask him for the money," she says. "This is her dream. She thinks she should be able to make it work on her own, without asking him for more than he's already givenher. She's stubborn like that." Jasmine eyes me critically. "You should know that about her if she matters to you at all. She never listens to reason, and she wants to do everything on her own. No one is ever allowed to take care of her because she's always the one taking care of everyone else. She's always been that way."
"She matters to me," I rasp.
"We'll see," her best friend mutters. She falls silent for a moment and then mutters a soft curse. "She likes you enough to risk breaking her heart when you take this place from her. But that is what'll happen, Lincoln. Even if she won't admit it, I know her, and I know how much of her dream is tied to this building. Ever since she found this place, the dream has been about opening her store right here, where a bookstore has stood since the building went up in the 1930s. It's going to feel like the biggest betrayal in the world if she falls for you before you take it. If you care for her as much as you say you do, don't put her through that."
Fuck.
I jerk my chin in a nod, my throat tight. Because she's right, goddammit all. If Lilah falls for me and I take the building anyway, it'll break her heart. Maybe she'll pretend she's fine with it, but she won't be, not really, not when this place means so much to her. I'll just be another asshole like the prick back in college, only it'll hurt her a helluva lot more this time.
Lilah arrives five minutes later, with takeout bags in hand and a smile on her face. It only grows when she sees me standing there, waiting for her.
"I thought we could eat here today," she murmurs. "That way, I don't have to rush back when the truck gets here."
"Sounds good," I agree, taking the bags from her hands to deposit them on one of the tables halfway across the store. There are a few readers scattered around, browsing or reading, but they're engrossed in their own worlds.
"I'll leave you two to it," Jasmine says, hooking the strap of her purse over her shoulder.
"You can stay," Lilah calls softly.
"No can do. I have an author to track down, remember?" Jasmine grins at her. "With any luck, I'll have all his details by the end of the day."
Lilah laughs, shaking her head. "I'll pray for him."
Jasmine shoots me a look that isn't quite hostile but isn't exactly friendly either. She doesn't say anything, though. I think she's already said everything she needed to say. Now, she's leaving it up to me to prove what kind of man I am. If I choose wrong, I think she may let me live long enough to regret it. Actually, she may keep me alive, chained in her basement, long enough to ensure I regret it.
The bell over the door jingles as she hurries out, leaving me and Lilah at the table alone. I just stare at her for a long moment, my head and my heart at war. One whispers a whole lot louder than the other, though. It has been for days.
"I talked to Jasmine," I murmur as Lilah unpacks our food.
"Please forgive anything inappropriate she said," she mutters. "If I didn't know her parents, I'd swear porn stars raised her."
"She was fine, sweetness." I hesitate for a long moment and then mutter a curse. "You aren't putting a bid on the building."
She freezes in the act of pulling a tray out of the bag, her body going so still I'm not even sure she's breathing. "That's my business, Lincoln."
"Yeah? I think it's mine, too."
"Why?" She glances up at me. "So you can gloat about winning?"
I just stare at her. "Is that really what you think about me?"
"No," she whispers, curling in on herself a little, like she's ashamed she said it at all. "I'm just…I don't know, okay? I'm just trying to process everything. It's a lot, you know?"
"You love this building, Lilah."
"Doesn't matter when I can't afford it. In three weeks, it'll be your building, Lincoln. I might as well learn to accept that now, right?"
My stomach churns at the defeated way she says it, as if she's absolutely certain she's already lost it. Christ. Why let me in like she has, why invite me into her bed every night, when she's known all along that she isn't going to fight for the building?
I study her for a long moment, my heart aching at the truth staring me in the face. She's sleeping with me for the same reason I've been willing to give this place up. Because what's between us isn't about this building. It's bigger than that.
But Jasmine is right. If I take the building, I risk losing her. I won't just be the asshole standing between her and her dream. I'll be the one plucking it out of her hands and crushing it, just to build my own goddamn empire.
I can't do that to her. Iwon'tdo it. I'm not going to be the kind of man who lets her sacrifice what matters to her just to get what I want. That kind of man doesn't deserve her, and I desperately want to be the kind who does. I want to be the one she spends a lifetime smiling at the same way she did when she got here a few minutes ago, not the one who steals that smile.
