Hanna returned with three jars and plopped down on the comfy couch between Lily and Maya, who seemed just as eager as Lily to get close to Hanna.
“So catch me up, tell me what happened,” Hanna said, twisting the caps off both bottles of wine and pouring a glass of red for Maya, and a glass of white for her, and Lily felt her heart warm at how well Hanna knew them. Having her back at the apartment centered her, as she knew it did for Maya.
Hanna poured herself a little red and then scooted back on the couch so that Maya and Lily could lean on her from eitherside. Maya slouched down and laid her head on Hanna’s chest and Lily curled into Hanna’s side, leaning her head into the crook of Hanna’s neck, soaking in her warmth and scent. With each breath, she felt her shock dissipate and turn into something nameless but far more manageable.
“Okay so, where to even begin, Iknewmy mom was seeing someone? But—” Maya started, and Lily took a long pull of her wine, the bright citrus notes dancing on her tongue. And while they had a lot to get through that night, she knew they would, and it would all be okay.
43
MAYA
Even after three bottles of wine, and two rounds of lovemaking where Hannadeliveredon a promise to take their minds off of things, Maya couldn’t quiet her mind. She lay naked in bed between Lily and Hanna—the way they often did—and tonight she needed it more than anything.
Discovering that her mother was in a relationship with Diana was shocking for a whole host of reasons. Namely, Maya hadn’t even known her mother liked women. She’d never said anything—not when Maya came out as pan, not when she’d her first girlfriend, nothing. The second reason was harder to face: shame.
The fact that her mother felt ashamed for liking women was a heartbreaking revelation for Maya. It left her with so many questions—questions she knew she couldn’t have asked over the phone—but it made her mother’s parting words before she moved to Providence feel all the heavier, and Maya’s heart broke for her. To think she had felt she needed to hide all this time.
She’d told her mom they would talk more, promising she wasn’t mad—just surprised, and that she needed time to process. Her mother had said she hadn’t wanted to tell her over thephone, but Diana had told Lily. Maya said it was okay; at least it gave them a couple of weeks to process before Thanksgiving.
And process she would need to do. On the one hand, she was relieved that her own struggle with sexuality had helped her understand why her mother needed time to process Maya’s relationship. It hadn’t been a hate response, she realized, but a fear response–Maggie projecting onto her. Maya didn’t think her mom was prejudiced, and she wasn’t sure her heart could take it if she ever found out otherwise.
The fact that she was dating her girlfriend’s mother was…not ideal.
“So, if you both get married, Lily and I…” Maya hadn’t even been able to finish the sentence; it had inexplicably, shamefully slipped out — she hadn’t tried to make her mother’s news about her. She had a fleeting, bizarre thought about karma and how often she’d turned up her nose at step-sibling romances.
“Whoa, look, there’s so much we need to discuss, you and I, and then the four of us—of course Hanna is welcome to join, too,” her mother had said, and the inclusion of Hanna had quieted something in Maya. Warmed her. Her mom wastrying.Of course Hanna would join.
“Okay so, terror aside, hear me out,” a red-faced Hanna had said, pouring more wine,“ifthey get married?—”
“Hanna! Be on our side!” Lily had interrupted incredulously.
“I am! Just listen to me,” Hanna said, placing a finger on Lily’s lips. “If they do get married, then yes, you’ll be stepsisters?—”
“Hanna, EWWW,” Maya had said, only to get shushed by Hanna.
“If that happens, then you both will befamily, and then that means if two of us get married,weare all family. Does it make things much easier when we think about that and…and—” Hanna actually hiccuped, which Maya found adorable, “propertyand children and stuff,” Hanna speed-mumbled through that last bit.
“Children?!” Lily said, smiling wide.
“Are you trying to lock us down, Banana?” Maya had teased, but she couldn’t help but grin too—so wide it hurt her face.
“I’m just saying,” Hanna began, turning even redder, “I’m not saying now, just saying?—”
“Oh my god the trap tightens its grip,” Lily had said in mock lament. “Trapped by two lipsticks.”
“Shut up! You’re like a chapstick at most.” Maya had taken a teal throw pillow and thrown it at Lily, who dodged while laughing.
“Yeah, yeah.” Lily was absolutely cracking up.
“Okay Banana, lock us down,” Maya had teased as Hanna took a long pull of her wine, switching to white to keep Lily company. Maya thought they’d all reached a point in the night where it didn’t matter.
“Honestly, you both are the worst. I was trying to put on a positive spin, but whatever, laugh it up,” Hanna had said without any real bite.
Lying awake now, Maya thought about how Hanna coming home had centered both her own and Lily’s energy, how she had held them, made them laugh, and listened. Maya turned over and wrapped an arm around Hanna. She felt Lily shift in her sleep behind her, Lily’s naked body finding hers and one of Lily’s arms sliding around her waist. They’d be crazy hot in the morning, but as always, Maya decided it was worth it.
PART VI
FINAL EPILOGUE
