“Okay, and I think if things ever go beyond flirting, we all decide and we are all together,” Hanna added.
Maya was surprised for a moment, but she thought Hanna was getting to exactly what Maya needed, too. “Right so, we come first, like our relationship?” Maya asked, making sure she and Hanna were on the same page.
Hanna nodded and Lily said, “I like that.”
“What about one-on-one time, I mean, how do we balance the dyads in our triad?” Hanna asked, and Maya turned to exchange a look with Lily.
Lily laughed and said, “Hanna, babe, did you do more research?”
Hanna shifted uncomfortably in the way Maya knew she did when she’d been caught doing something that she felt awkward about. “I mean, I don’t even know what we are doing! So yeah, I googled.”
“When?” Maya asked. They’d pretty much been all over each other.
“Honestly just now, when I was on my phone earlier, just trying to understand, you know, I have never?—”
“It’s fine, Banana,” Lily said, laughing.
“Yeah it’s not like I haven’t googled this relationship too,” Maya added. She had, after winter break, when she had been trying to make sense of their dynamic.
“Let’s just accept that we don’t know what we are doing, but I am okay with that, because…well I trust you two, ok?” Lily said, so genuinely that Maya melted.
“We will talk about stuff, right Banana?” Maya said.
“I’m not always good at that, but I promise to try,” Hanna said.
“That’s all we can do,” Maya said softly, because she realized that’s what had happened to her parents: they had stopped trying for some reason. The realization was both a devastation and a relief. Devastating for her parents, but a relief that there was some aspect Maya could cling to to understand thewhy,so she could understandhowto avoid it.
“I don’t care too much about one-on-one time,” Lily said, pulling Maya from her thoughts. “I know you two have your own thing, and I am just happy to have you both…” Lily trailed off but Maya knew what she’d omitted:any way that I can get you.
“Don’t do that,” Maya soothed, rubbing her hands over Lily’s legs. “Don’t think that you are just going to get whateverwegive you–this has to work for all of us.”
“Yeah well, not sure what I can do from New York while you both are in Boston.”
“For now,” Hanna said, as Maya watched her go into her thoughts.
“Why don’t we keep the group chat as our ONLY means of communication for now?” Maya suggested, remembering a piece of advice she’d seen one late night on Reddit.
“What do you mean?” Lily asked.
“I mean, we keep everything in the chat. So even if Hanna and I are making plans to meet up, you are a part of them?”
“I like that idea,” Hanna said slowly, as if processing their conversation along with whatever her mind was trying to work through. Maya hoped she was just mustering up the courage to raise whatever it was. She’d give her the space to do so, but would press if she didn’t.
“Actually I do, too,” Lily said, smiling.
“Yeah it’s something I read, but it will also force us to talk about things, instead of having—as Hanna mentioned—dyad conversations about one another. And truthfully, when we need advice we should be talking to friends anyway, like any relationship. And you two are most certainly more than friends.” Maya waggled her eyebrows.
“Done,” Lily said.
After taking a deep breath, Hanna said, “Yeah, I think that’ll be great, especially while Maya and I are in Boston.” As if finally deciding on something, she continued, “I don't know how long this will go on, but I’ve decided to hold off on med school for a year or two.”
Maya was surprised. She wondered if Hanna had told her parents, but she didn’t want to stress Hanna out any more than she knew she must already be.
“Holy shit, babe,” Lily said, adopting the pet name she used to note that they were in a safe space.
“I really want to work for some sort of socially conscious organization? Like Planned Parenthood or something? Since my goal is to serve underprivileged communities.”
“That’s fucking awesome,” Maya said.
