Wow, I was just trying to say hi and see how your train ride is going Maya. I am sorry we couldn’t make it work and head back together.
Lilith
I’m not…
Hanna Banana
WOW
Lilith
I get FOMO
Papaya Maya
#needy
Lilith
If you saw how I saw you two, you’d be needy too.
Maya burst into laughter at Lily’s antics, her chest warming with how quickly they’d begun texting each other. She hoped it would last. Maya was sure she wasn’t the only one worried that perhaps their one-night stand had just been that, but somehow, she didn’t think so.
Maya sat back with her head against the window of her train. She loved train rides through New England during this time of year; it was like a front row seat to a fall-themed Pinterest board. It also gave her some long needed time to herself before getting back to the swing of school and the city.
Her mind flitted to her mother, Maggie, who had truly looked distraught when Maya had said goodbye earlier that day. After the night in the treehouse, she had spent the following night lying next to her mom, like she had done as a little girl, only this time she had stayed awake, fluctuating between rubbing her mom’s back as she cried softly in her sleep and escaping to what it had been like to sleep between Lily and Hanna.
Her mom was not okay, and Maya felt guilty leaving her. But she had checked in with her dad to let him know that her mother was not okay, but that she hoped she would be okay, and he promised to do what he could. All in all, Maya could tell her father loved her mother deeply, and her mother loved him — which is why she couldn’t piece together what had happened to cause them to fall apart, caused her mother to withdraw so completely. She also knew that it was her parents’ position that it wasn’t her right to know. With a sigh, Maya reassured herself that she’d check in with her mother as soon as she got back to her apartment, back to her life in Boston.
It wasn't like she didn’t have friends and a life there, but Maya continued to feel like she was always on the outside looking in. She had been walking back from the library one night and happened to be walking by another Black woman (ararity)whom Maya realized was likely faculty. Before she could ask—beg really—what classes she taught and how Maya could sign up, the woman met her eyes, smiled knowingly, and whispered to her, “Keep going, it’ll be alright.” Maya had been so shocked that by the time she found her voice again she and the woman had long passed each other, the moment to find a sliver of belongingslipping through her fingers. That woman’s words had sounded like both a plea and a promise.
Keep going, it’ll be alright.
She had one more year left, and then she would need to figure out what she was doing next, perhaps find a place she belonged. The thought made her mind go back to what it was like to be held in that treehouse, listening to the steady breathing of both Hanna and Lily, enveloped in their warmth.
It had stirred a feeling in her that had been fleeting since her parents’ marriage began to implode: safety and belonging. Maya couldn’t wrap her head around how one night had given that to her, but she also didn’t feel the need to push it too far. She simply decided to hold on to it for as long as she could. As a constant outsider, that was all she could do.
PART II
MELT THE SNOW
11
LILY
It was awkward; there was no way around it. Lily fought the urge to pick at her nails, something she hadn’t done in ages. She had envisioned things…differently. Currently, she was standing in the kitchen of what her family lovingly called the “cabin” in northern Vermont, a large house that sat at the edge of a winter retreat property her mother owned along with her Aunt Julia. It was really Julia who ran operations as her mother ran the orchard.
The property included recreation areas, an activity center, actual cabins, and came with a full staff. The staff tended to stay year-round as there wasn’t really an off-season. There was never a short supply of wealthy travelers wanting to “escape into the wilderness”—with electricity, plumbing, and amenities, of course.
She drummed her hands on the counter. The house was pretty dark, save for the light of the kitchen, with nothing distinguishable beyond the floor-to-ceiling windows of the living room that faced a fair amount of trees. The house was kept pretty impersonal, since VIP guests sometimes stayed there. It looked as if a northern Vermont preset design from Crate &Barrel threw up in the place. Lily did preen at the fact that her Aunt Julia had some of her old ceramic pieces in the space here and there. But that didn’t matter right then.
There weretwohotnakedwomen in the cabin. But Lily was standing in the kitchen, drumming her fingers on the counter while Maya and Hanna both showered off their long car ride. Lily had felt relieved when they made it clear they were showering separately—though she wouldn’t admit to herself why. They had arrived and briefly caught up enough for both Hanna and Maya to share that they had each barely survived the holidays being at home. This was especially true for Maya since it was the first post her parents’ divorce. The day after New Year’s, Hanna had picked Maya up, and they’d driven straight to the cabin. They were going to be dead on their feet post-shower, and so Lily had shown them each to separate guest bedrooms, where they all agreed that after their showers they would need to crash and begin again tomorrow. Lily thanked herself that she’d mentioned to the staff that they were arriving; they’d made up two beds in addition to the main bedroom.
When they had all agreed that a week of their overlapping winter break should be spent at Lily’s family’s retreat property, Lily had been abuzz with an energy akin to winning a game everyone expected her to lose.
She’d gotten there a few days before, spending Christmas at the cabin with her mother and Julia. Her mother had left after New Year’s, and Lily had spent the interim trying to speed up time by going grocery shopping to supplement the essentials the staff had stocked the fridge and pantry with. Maya loved raw vegetables (Lily could not comprehend) and she bought a veggie tray complete with dip, though she doubted Maya would use it. Hanna and she would need it to get through them though. And Lily knew Hannaneededchocolate and cheddar popcorn (though not at the same time). Lily, of course, bought herselfplenty of sour gummies. She also made the obligatory rounds, talked and said goodbye to her Aunt Julia who was leaving to travel, spoke to some of the other folks on staff she was friendly with, and subtly but not so subtly let everyone know there was no reason to disturb the house while she stayed with her friends. She had been embarrassingly dizzy with anticipation at their arrival.
She hadn’t seen either Maya or Hanna since that magical night back over fall break. Well, not physically, anyway. There had been a few—more than a few—interesting video calls. Once with Lily on the phone while Maya and Hanna were sharing a bed. After that, and Lily had wondered if this was for the sake of fairness, the rest had been from each of their respective beds.
