“You’re really not together?” I asked, if only to hear him say it again.
“No.” He drank from the flask while taking my hand. “But it’s a story people are interested in, and I don’t mind letting Farrah Prolix believe it. Everden wants us to be together. They think she’s my Counterpart. Which I currently like.” He took another drink. “Because I’d like to keep my real one a secret.”
Butterflies took over my stomach, pleasant, warm, and fluttering as the vaguely possessive tone of his voice burrowed deep under my skin.
“But,” Leland added, catching me off guard, “even if I’m not in a relationship with Vyra, I still see her. I see other people. I go to a lot of brothels.”
I wanted the dumpster back so I could throw myself in it. The butterflies I’d felt were gone in an instant, leaving something worse twisting in my gut instead.
“That’s . . .” I lowered my gaze, a little shaken, conflicted because my blood didn’t want him with anyone else, even as my mind did. “Great. Good for you. I hope you get the chance to try a mermaid. I hear they’re majestic.”
He gave me a strange look. I didn’t bother explaining.
“What I would like,” he said slowly, “is to get to a place where I can live my life without having you disappear. Magicsuppressants aren’t perfect. It’s possible you’ll still burn through them.”
“If I could control it — ”
“I think” — he pressed his lips together — “what might help” — he waited, assessing his words before he said them, watching torch flames cast a warm glow over the red brick building — “is if you find a way to believe I’m not leaving you. And that needs to come from within.”
Perhaps I should’ve questioned why he couldn’t say it in plainer language, so Iwouldbelieve him. But his eyes were distant, the way they were when he was tired of talking. Hot and cold Leland. He could only say nice things to me for so long before he shut off again.
He openedForcing the Bondon his lap, and we read. The pages turned at Leland’s pace, giving me ample time to read them. A few chapters in, I forgot he was there. I was too busy learning about the way our magic changed in a bond, how our spell counts — the same, apparently — would double. His fifty-a-day becoming a hundred spells we’d share. He’d get access to Blackburn wards too. Bonded, Leland and I could communicate telepathically, constantly, in any realm. And magical side effects would affect us simultaneously. If he exerted, I exerted. If a Death Bond killed him, it also killed me. That’s what would happen if we sealed our Counterpart bond.
A finger stroked my shoulder, and I erupted in shivers. I glanced up at him, confused by the soft, lingering light in his eyes, so inconsistent withfull,not available, andI don’t want you like that. The part of me that refused to accept we weren’t experiencing the bond the same way considered he’d been slow to turn the pages because . . .
No. I shook the thought away.That wasn’t it.
“Ember.” His voice was gentle. “You’re back.”
I slid a few inches to the side so we weren’t touching. “Howlong?” I asked. “How long have I been like this?”
“I don’t know.” He shook his head slowly. “I wasn’t paying attention.”
“Can we go?” I asked.
“As soon as you tell me something.” He got up, gently placing the new flask in my hand. I waited, standing, already drinking. “What’s your favorite color, Em?”
Em?
I looked at him, the moment stretching. Stretching longer as I savored what I was seeing. I was aware this needed to end. But I couldn’t end it. I’d gotten lost in the navy ring around his hazel irises.
“Navy,” I said without realizing.
Leland Vanished the ivory couch, and in its place a navy-blue dumpster appeared. Because of course. I’d been mesmerized by his eyes, but to him, it was nothing.
“You asked me my favorite color to make me a dumpster?”
Leland took down the steel walls, letting the daylight in. “Looks better, doesn’t it?”
I scowled at him.
* * *
What Leland failed to mention in the alley was that Skye wasn’tmeeting meat Helen’s; she was moving in. Since Jaxan destroyed the letterbox and flask, I wasn’t allowed to live alone anymore, and while I wasn’t sure howSkye— an Unselected witch — could help, I figured the alternative was Leland, and that was . . . no.
Worse, Skye declared I couldn’t sleep on the couch. She moved into Ash’s room, leaving me with Helen’s. I said I’d sleep on the floor, but Skye got too much enjoyment out of bossing Leland around, telling him how to furnish it while I made dinner for us. But Leland left before I finished making the pasta, perhapstaking a cue from my body language. I hadn’t looked at him since we left the alley.
There hadn’t been any burning since I came back from vapor, but another hour alone with Leland wasn’t something I wanted to relive. The tap on the shoulder, the pads of his fingertips, whatever that lingering look meant — it had all given me shivery sensations that were far too confusing. Imaginary, yet it felt real — too real — every time he rejected me. My blood wasn’t capable of handling it. I needed those magic suppressants. Magic suppressants would block my withdrawals. Magic suppressants, and I wouldn’t feel this way about him tomorrow.
