“I know,” I said. “Thank you.”
We were quiet a minute, the room dropping several degrees colder. The ice-cold drink in my hand caught up with my head, and goosebumps erupted along my arms. I stared longingly into his closet, gazing at his dozens of expensive, earth-toned sweaters, evenly spaced and organized by thickness. I wasn’t sure if I was staring because I was cold, or if it was because he wore those sweaters when I closed my eyes and thought of him.
“What are you thinking?” he asked.
“Not about your sweaters.”
“Clearly.”
I took a drink and said, “You said you wanted me to be a Dark Witch?” Why could I not figure out how to speak normally to him? BecauseYou are so fucking pretty. That’s why. And the hug. His mouth grazing my temple.
“I don’t want you to be a Dark Witch,” he said. “I want you safe.”
I traced the thick line of stitching along the arm of his couch, reflecting on the big glass scrying orb that had followed me around, already missing it. “You don’t have to protect me anymore,” I said.
“Did you have to protect me when you went into the catacombs and the Allwitch temple?”
“No,” I answered, not exactly confident. “But also . . . yes. BecauseIcome this way without Death Bonds.” I turned the glass, and my shivering hand slid around cold beads of condensation. I wouldn’t set it down and ruin his table, no matter if my fingers turned blue. “That’s what you get for mecaring about you. Acts of insanity. Occasional room break-ins — ” I stopped myself at the lift of his eyebrows, recognizing I’d made his point for him. I wanted him around like he wanted me safe, and one less Death Bond on his arm wouldn’t change that.
“The only reason I said it was the worst one,” he said, looking down at his arm, “was because, as long as I had it, I didn’t know if you’d ever believe how far I would go for you.” Then, without asking, he rescued the cold drink from my frozen fingers and set it down next to his.
“I spoke to your aunts,” he went on. “Sabrina, she’s another Eight. Something terrible happened to her after she drank light magic, so terrible shewantedto deteriorate. Sinora said Eights are allergic to light magic. That dark magic is the only way. That’s why I told you to be a Dark Witch. That’s theonlyreason I said that.”
Sabrina was an Eight?
Why had no one ever mentioned it? If my aunts knew I was the same as her, and I was allergic to light magic, wouldn’t they want me to know that? Unless . . . Helen. Helen wouldn’t let them, and that’s whyLelandhad to be the one to ask. Though, now that I thought about it, I realized Sabrinahadbeen trying to tell me. She told me to run. She told me I’d get a choice, and there was a wrong one.
But if Leland had only been in Gnarlton, speaking with my aunts, why couldn’t Loree find him with her gift?
“That’s it?” I asked. “You were in Gnarlton the whole time? What was the Shadowrealm in Creatus then?”
“I went to Alchemia for more information after Sinora told me about your light magic allergy. Sinora suggested the Allwitches might know a different path you wouldn’t hate. But . . .” Leland shook his head. “The Allwitches couldn’t help me. The Shadowrealm you heard about in Creatus was my Illusion, so I could disappear long enough to go to Alchemia without raisingthe Echelons’ suspicions. I’m sorry for not telling you what my plan was. I thought about it the whole time I was gone.”
My body shook with a chill. Was it me or was the temperature in the room dropping even lower? I shifted to fold my arms over my chest, bringing my legs in to protect my core.
“I thought you were mad,” I said. “I thought I hurt you.”
“I know.” Leland Summoned another blanket and piled it on top of me. “I should have told you so you knew you weren’t the cause. But I wasn’t in the best place when I left, and I was avoiding you.”
“Why?”
“Because I didn’t want to. I was worried — I’malwaysworried — that, if you comfort me, it will seal my end of the bond.”
“Would that be so bad? If we bonded, your magic would be stronger. You’d get my gift. You’d be able to protect yourself better.”
“Ember, what I’ve done to win, to survive — I’m not good at handling it. Tying your life down to mine would only make it harder for me to live through what I already struggle with. My Death Bonds wouldn’t be good for you. And the guilt I’d carry for sharing them wouldn’t be good forus. What you saw in the Lucid Dream, it’s the one thing I’ve never wanted to tell you. Not because it’s a secret. I just . . .” His gaze dropped to the table. “I won’t risk someone again. Especially not you.”
Leland.
I wanted to know what he couldn’t say, every detail of the horrible thing infiltrating his Lucid Dreams. Something unimaginable, probably, if he couldn’t talk about it, but I knew — from keeping things in myself — that silence was protection. Protection from people who wouldn’t understand, from the sound of your own voice, from feelings unraveling like airtight packaging, which, once taken out, never fit in the box the same way again. Sometimes talking about things reallydoesn’tmakethem better, not if it’s not the right time or with the wrong person. And I’d found what I needed in Skye and Leland, or I was starting to, but if Leland wasn’t ready yet, the last thing I wanted was to push him. So I changed the subject.
“Did you find Ven?” I asked.
Ven’s golden collar materialized in Leland’s hand, dangling. “I did.”
“Alive?”
Leland nodded. “He got a lecture about killing Echelons.”
