I shake my head. I can’t Heal an Illusion. She’s probably asking because she knows this, or because when your Counterpart stubs a toe, it feels like the world’s ending.
“Heal it,” she repeats. I shake my head again. “Why won’t you Heal it?”
“I don’t know, Ember.” My voice is raised. I’m exhausted and I hate this. “Why do you honestly answer every single question?”
“To punish myself for lying,” she answers.
I lift my broken hand.There’s your answer.Punishment.
“No,” she insists. “You’re not like this.”
“I am,” I say. “I told you. I’m not nice. I hurt people. I gave Farrah Prolix a head injury.”
“Tell me what happened from start to finish.”
She still thinks we can fix this, so I open the door for her to leave, but she’s obstinate. She wants more. She’s not giving up on me. It isn’t right, the way she refuses to believe what I keep trying to tell her. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted and impossible she’s even considering it when I’ve shown her so little of me. It’s the one thing that could bring us too close together.
I slide down to the floor, no longer able to stand.
She drops, too, sitting beside me, bringing her face level with mine and scanning me. “Leland.”
I turn my head, my throat aching. “Will you get Rayne?” I ask.
“I — yeah? If that’s what you want.” She’s so softspoken, I feel like I kicked a puppy. She wants me to tell her to stay, and I want to, but . . . “You really want me to leave?”
No.I want you back in my bed. Under my sheets. I want to hold you and feel you breathe. I want to watch you read my letter. I want to tell you everything.
“I do,” I whisper, but she hears it and knows I’m lying.
“Leland.”
I turn my head to look at her. “Leave me alone, Ember. I mean it. Get Rayne. Be a Dark Witch. Stay away from me.”
Our eyes clash, and there’s a thousand moments where her face changes as she tries to fill in the blanks. A thousand moments I start to tell her everything. I fight the urge by looking up at the ceiling.
Rayne comes after Ember leaves. Still on the floor, I ask Rayne to bring me the pillow with Ember’s hair on it.
A few minutes later, there’s a knock. Ember brought me mint tea. She hands it to Rayne and leaves without saying anything. I don’t get up for a while.
* * *
Later, when I’m alone, I reread the letter I wrote in the morning.
Ember,
I haven’t been honest with you. Not how you’re honest with me. I don’t answer all your questions. I withhold things.
There’s so much I want to tell you. Like that Ash has been watching over you, and I hear from her occasionally. Tally Leslie was never missing. Jaxan staged her disappearance so your trial would go differently. He staged the coin from Arissa too. At least, he saw you slip it in your pocket (you’re Very cute when you’re obvious) and didn’t say anything.
You were right. It wasn’t a gold. It’s the key to the Allwitch temple. I’m sorry for the lies. I’m so sorry.
Lee
I want to add I saw her sister. I want to double underlineVery cuteand head up the spiral and give it to her. But I don’t deserve her or the chance to explain, so I stuff the letter back in the drawer and wait.
CHAPTER
THIRTY
