By unspoken agreement they walked out of the parlor into the hall.
“How many doors are there to the terrace?” she asked a moment later.
“Five. One at the end of each wing that are narrow, and more for servant use, and three along the main length of the terrace—the door here, the one in the hall, and one from the music room across the hall. Why do you ask?”
She shrugged. “Trying to visualize everything. I came out the servants’ door on the far right,” she said, pointing to the door, “and walked across the terrace to the steps down to the garden. There was no one about, but the musicians hadn’t started another piece. I knew if they had gone on break, people would come out here to get fresh air. I wanted to get into the garden first and find a spot where I could be alone. Gwinnie gave me a tour the other day, and I remembered benches. I wanted to find one.”
“It is an ideal garden for contemplation,” Aidan said. “Might you walk in the garden with me now?”
She looked up at him, suspicious. “Why?”
“For contemplation.”
Bella laughed shortly. “I don’t know if I am ready for that.”
“That is understandable. My mind is in a turmoil, as I know yours has been. What if I promise not to talk about us, about what was or might have been?” Aidan said.
“Then why do you wish to talk to me?” she asked, wary.
“To learn about the world you, Lord Candelstone, and Harry inhabited. To try to understand the—I don’t know—the loyalty, I guess, that they clung to so tightly that it warped who they were. To make sense of my turmoil from another angle.”
“I don’t know what I can tell you,” she said. “But I can understand your curiosity. Yes, let’s walk and talk,” she said, walking toward the terrace door.
“Won’t you need a bonnet?” he asked. His mother and sisters would never have gone out into the sun without one.
“I should.—La, life is full ofshouldsfor us, isn’t it? I’ll toss my shawl over my head and pull it forward to shade my face,” she said, pulling her shawl on top of her head and pulling it forward.
Aidan opened the door and led her outside. He offered her his arm. She looked at him for a moment. Then smiled and accepted the courtesy, slipping her hand in his arm. With her other hand, she held the sides of her shawl together so it wouldn’t blow off her head.
“You do that a great deal, don’t you?” Bella said as they cross the terrace to the steps.
“Do what?”
“Watch out for the care of others.”
He shook his head. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Just now, you voiced concern for my going out without a bonnet. You were correct; however, I don’t know of many men who would have done so.”
He frowned. “I don’t know. I believe a man should look out for others, especially women and children. It is our duty, our role.”
“Why?”
His frowned deepened. “It is what men have been taught for hundreds of years.”
“Not all men. Take, for example, Harry and Lord Candelstone. They, too, believe it is their responsibility to look out for others; however, in their circumstances, theotheris their country, their leaders. They know of no other way of being. Those things you do naturally for your family, for women, children, and others, are what they do naturally for their country.”
“I don’t know the forces which propelled Lord Candelstone to this belief,” she continued, “but you knew Harry for years. You can understand what pushed Harry that way. His family! They did not care about him, at least not in the way he wished them to. There were too many of them and no opportune time to spend more time with one child over another. Plus their standard of living, spread out over all of them, was to always appear to be middle-class gentry. He didn’t believe they had loyalty, or even love for each other. I think they did. How else could they have struggled so hard to see to his education? Harry didn’t see that. What Harry saw was that, if you had love for the country, you expected nothing in return, but when they rewarded you for what you did—ah, bliss.”
Aidan’s brow furrowed. “But a country is only a construct of ideas, laws, and agreements.”
“Yes, and a country cannot not fill a person’s emotional well. A person could convince themselves that they didn’t suffer a loss for not getting that love and care in return. That was not whatcountrywas capable of doing in return. But in their mind, the country gave them what they missed in childhood. Recognition. There was prize money and the possibility of rising in rank. Harry felt great pride for his knighthood, you know. With his knighthood, he was higher than his family, who he felt didn’t pay attention to him as a child.”
“You,” she went on, “always knew your family loved you, and you loved them. When they ask for your help, you are happy to do so, and they always thanked you and showed their appreciation.” She turned her head to look at him, her head cocked. “But I would wager they now take your actions for granted, and so do you.”
“What do you mean?” he asked, frowning again.
“You don’t get thanks for what you do, they—and you—take your actions for granted. The family considers you more duke than your brother or his son, and they are happy to let you do so. They all agree you are steadier than anyone else and better able to handle things.” She shook her head. “I disagree. I think it is cunningness on their part.”
