God.
I finally was able to pay off my mortgage. The chains that had left dents in my skin for years are gone. I’m free. This news feels like a cherry on top.
Like a dork, I do a happy dance in my seat, all alone in the tour bus with Stella while everyone else is at rehearsal.
“Why so happy?”
Yelping and swallowing my heart, I snap my head toward his voice and find Elijah in the doorway with a tentative smile on his face.
“Should I be insulted? Because I scare you every time you see my face.”
I stare, dumbfounded, trying to hear him over the organ pounding in my ears. “Don’t turn this on me. You’re the one always sneaking around and jumping out when I least expect it.”
“Little lady, you were in your own world.” His smile grows as he stalks slowly to where I sit, making me tremble. “I knocked on the door twice before I announced myself. Only to find you wiggling your butt in … happiness?” He pronounces the last word in a gasp, teasing me.
And it’s working.
“Come a little closer.”
He takes tentative steps forward, stopping only a foot away. I gesture with my finger for him to bend down. Slightly winding back, I punch his shoulder lightly. His tall, broad body exaggerates as he staggers back with a look of betrayal.
I chirp, “Good boy.”
“You are unbelievable.” His mouth twitches, trying to fight back a smile, but he gives up and lets his pearly whites shine. “Don’t ever call me a good boy again.”
“But you listen so well,” I reply brightly, batting my lashes at him.
“That’s because you make it easier to.” Gripping the back of my neck, he pulls me up and plops his butt in the seat I was sitting in before hauling me into his lap.
Giving in to his warmth, I snuggle my face into his neck.
“I have some news I want to run by you.” I feel his words vibrate on my face. Playing with his fingers, he continues, “I want to get off Xanax.”
Huh?
Sitting up so I can see his face, I hate the look of anxiety I find. “Is everything okay? You can tell me if something is bothering you.”
“I hate how I got on them,” he blurts out, a faraway look crossing his eyes. “It wasn’t by choice; it was by force. It makes me feel like they took advantage of me, knowing I had no strength to fight back.”
“Elijah, they forced you? Does anyone know? Because I had no idea?—”
“And that was the way I wanted it,” he interrupts firmly, gripping my thighs. “I didn’t want anyone knowing. My brother would lose his mind, my sister would cry, and my mom would blame herself. There has been so much heartbreak in our family that I didn’t want to add any more.”
“But your feelings matter, Elijah. Don’t you get that?! It’s not fair for you to bottle up all your feelings. What would happen one day if you exploded? That damage would be a lot larger than speaking your truth.”
“I didn’t use my voice when it first started. What good would it do today?”
“And that is not your fault.” I grab his chin when he looks over my shoulder. “They saw a young boy who needed help but took advantage of your weakness instead.”
Squeezing my leg once, he winds his arms tightly around my lower back and tugs me to his chest. His heart strums a steady beat under my ear, melting my body.
“I want to move on—that’s all I want. I hate the side effects of the pills. They make me feel worse when I’m on them.”
Wanting to take all his pain away is a feeling so strong in my entire body, but it kills me that I can’t take this type of pain away.
“Whatever feels right, you should do it.” I trace a greenish-blue vein in his arm. “I’m going to be here by your side through it all. You may feel amazing when you get off of them, but if you feel worse, please tell me, okay? I want to be able to help you, Elijah.”
“I will,” he promises, running a hand down my back. “But helping me isn’t your job; that’s reserved for Stella.”
