Is it healthy that she’s the reason I’m keeping it together during this tour?
Absolutely not.
Having her on tour will most likely never happen again, and my addiction to her presence is unhealthy. I need to snap out of it. But I’m not willing to take anything for granted. Call me a sponge because I’m going to soak her up.
“You look exhausted. Busy night?” Fay asks casually while my stylist lays out the outfit I’m wearing for the magazine shoot we’re scheduled to do.
The company wants to showcase a day in the life while on tour. They’re going to be following us around while we prepare and perform our show today.
“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep,” I say before a big yawn, rubbing my eyes that feel swollen from exhaustion. “What country are we in today?”
Fay’s face turns down in a concerned frown. I wish I were joking, but I truly have no idea where I am.
“We are currently in Madrid, Spain.”
Oh.
One day, I’m in Paris, and the next thing I know, I’m on the other side of Europe.
When we first started touring, it used to stress me out that I couldn’t keep up with where we were. After a while, I learned to stop stressing out about the small things.
Once my stylist walks out of the room and leaves me and Fay alone, I turn to her with a serious face. “Fay, I’ve been thinking about something, but I want to run it by you first.”
“Uh-oh, that’s never good.” She closes her planner that always seems to be in her hands and gives me her full attention. “Hit me.”
“I think I want to stop taking Xanax.”
My saliva goes down hard in my throat at her worried expression.
“Can I ask why you’d want to do that?”
Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the hundreds of reasons I’ve never voiced out loud …
Starting off strong was how my old team forced me to take them. After the shooting, they didn’t want me panicking on stage, so they made a doctor prescribe me meds. I didn’t want to take them, but apparently, I didn’t have a say in what went in my own body. Psychopaths.
“I’ve been on these pills for almost five years. I hate that I’ve forgotten what life feels like without them.” Walking to the clothes laid out for me, I assess them. “I feel tired all the time. At first, I thought it was because I was overworked, but then I did a quick search online and read up on the side effects. The dizziness that’s always making my head and eyes hurt is from the pills, along with drowsiness, poor balance, and insomnia. Fay, I can’ttell you the last time I had a good night’s rest,” I stress, turning and finding her sitting comfortably in the seat I was in moments ago.
“You should have never been forced to take prescribed medication that strong, Elijah. That is a lawsuit waiting to happen.” Scribbling something down aggressively in her notebook, she tsks. “I’m not the right person to be talking to about this because I’m not a doctor. But I’m booking a virtual meeting with your therapist regarding weaning you off of these pills. Let’s see what she says about it, okay? We want to be extra careful since you are currently on tour.”
When she makes her way to the door to give me privacy to change, I call out, “Do me a favor and keep this between you and me. I don’t want anyone to worry about nothing.”
Her eyebrow rises. “Is there something I should be worried about?”
“No.” I’m not sure about a lot of things anymore, including this.
“Then your secret is safe with me.”
“How are they not tired? They all just performed for hours,” I hear Lily say to Trinity.
I watch as the two cuddle up on the couch while watching Axel and Leonidas belt out a Guns N’ Roses song in the private karaoke room Levi booked for a fun night out.
“Rock stars never rest.”
Without any thought of breaking the dinky-looking table, Axel hops onto it and screams into the microphone, almost busting my eardrums.
“Should we start throwing money at them?”
As Trinity’s laughter gets drowned out by the boys singing, something heavy pools in the bottom of my gut. Anxiety and jealousy—a dangerous combination.
