Stella.
A protectiveness that comes out of nowhere slams into my chest.
“Stella shouldn’t be near any of that. Kids are curious and have no fear. If she ever finds his stash of weed, she would probably have the urge to try it.”
“Levi grew up around drugs—not his.” He clarifies, “His mom’s. He got custody of Stella and moved across the globe. There is nothing he hates more than drugs and alcohol, so you’d best believe he would never put her in dangerous situations.”
“I never doubted that. I can see he’s a really good brother. The guy is always stressed.” I think back to our conversation and how he wasn’t afraid to hold back the strong emotions he was facing.
“Imagine when she’s older.” He taps his fingers in a beat I don’t recognize. “Poor girl doesn’t know what’s coming. I feel so bad for her.”
“Are you going to be mega protective if you have daughters?”
A faraway look crosses his face. Tilting his head, he avoids my gaze. “When I pictured my life, kids were always part of the equation. But now, I’m not sure if I want to bring them into the kind of life I live. It doesn’t matter if I hide their faces and identities; theywillfeel the negative impacts of this world. Wouldn’t it be selfish of me to bring new life into my world, knowing Hollywood would destroy them sooner or later?”
We used to talk for hours about the future, even if we were still kids at the time. Elijah made my heart grow fonder when he talked about kids; it made me feel safe around him.
His gentle, sympathetic heart was so positive and carefree.
Now it’s hardened or shattered—maybe both.
THIRTY-ONE
ELIJAH
She’s talking about me having kids—in general. Meaning potentially with another woman. Little does she know, in my head, she’s always been the future mother to my kids.
I can’t grasp the idea of having kids with another woman; that isn’t something I’ve ever wanted. Not to be dramatic, but it’s a scary thought. The only way I would ever bring half of me into this world is withher.
“I wouldn’t completely rule out the idea. You would be an amazing dad,” she says too gently, like she’s talking to a baby. “And just because you’re in the public eye doesn’t mean they have to be.”
“Until being seen with me makes their privacy nonexistent,” I grumble, flexing my hand in a fist before relaxing.
How dare she talk like there’s someone else out there for me when she exists?
A new song of ours plays through the giant speakers downstairs. Feminine screams make my bones cold.
“Look at me.” I swivel to face her.
Our knees touch as our bodies angle forward.
She gives me her full attention.
I wonder if she’d be good at taking orders in different scenarios. The bulge in my pants has a mind of its own and hardens.
No, no, no, not right now.
“Would you be able to tell me that the thought of kids being exploited would not bother you?”
Lily sucks in a breath. “I can’t say that?—”
“Then there’s your answer,” I interrupt, voice strong and firm. “I could never hurt my kids the same way I’ve been mentally destroyed.”
“I respect that. I really do—” Lily grabs my hand, but before she can continue, a screeching voice butts in.
“Do you talk about kids with all your groupies, Elijah?”
Turning with an accusing glare, I find the same girl from our vinyl signing who wanted me to sign her boobs.
