I try to turn off my brain to save me from any more hurt. The doorknob jolts in my palm as I attempt to get it to open, but my hand is too shaky and sweaty. Once it swings open and almost bangs against the wall, I keep my gaze on his very defined muscular chest as my own shrinks under his heated gaze.
He’s a man now. Oh my God.
I’m scared to look in his eyes. What will I find? Will I melt on the spot and forget everything I’ve felt for ten years?
I don’t have enough time to protest when his finger hooks and pulls up my chin. I almost clutch his wrist in desperation and buckle to the ground. His eyes are the same color, but they’ve changed so much. The last time I saw Elijah, they were filled with innocence; now they’re void of that glint. And even though it shouldn’t, it scares me.
Watching me like I might disappear, with his hand still under my chin, he takes a deep breath, and his entire body shakes, like it took him a lot of effortto just breathe.
His gorgeous face drains of color. The lips I dreamed of kissing all throughout my childhood open, frozen mid-breath.His pupils dilate, and for a second, I think he’ll never say a word before a look of disbelief crosses his face.
“It’s you.” His voice comes out strained and unsteady. Almost as if he had to force the words past his lips. “It’s really fucking you.”
Another crack appears in my heart.
“I don’t know why you’re surprised.” I have to swallow hard at the unfamiliar bitterness in my voice. “This is my house, and I’m not the one who left.”
Did he come back here, expecting everything to be the same as it had been when he left?
Swallowing down the sob that wants to burst out of me, I push away his hand, and it falls to his side limply.
“Please don’t touch me.”
When I take a step back, anxiety coats his face. He takes one step forward, closing the new distance I put between us.
Elijah looks desperate as he inhales a sharp, deep breath, raising his palms to me in surrender. His raspy voice forces out, “Please don’t go. Let me explain.”
He’s changed in so many ways. When he left, he was a boy. His lean teenage body has been replaced with bulky muscles. He towers over me, causing me to feel small and overwhelmed. He was only a foot taller than me when he left, but now my forehead reaches his chin.
His chin.
“I don’t think I can do this,” I whisper more to myself than him. “I can’t.”
Staggering back, I reach for the door, but he doesn’t let me close it when he moves to stand in the doorway.
“I understand why you think I’m a jerk,” he stammers desperately, “and, yes, I’m the biggest dick out there, but I need to explain everything to you.”
Swallowing tightly, I shake my head. “I have nothing to say to you.”
“Don’t say that. I’m so sorry, Lily.” Tears pool in his red eyes, which makes me want to scream—because how can I care so much about someone but feel so angry at them?
“If you were sorry, you would’ve reached out; you could’ve come back, explained to me what was going on.”
Elijah stays silent as angry tears fall down my cheeks. The only movement he makes is shoving his hands into his hoodie pocket.
“Imagine being excited to see your favorite person, only to learn they are gone. As if they never even existed.”
Everything I’ve held hostage in my brain finally releases.
“I called you. I called your cell so many times that I lost count,” I admit, tasting my salty tears. “I even acted like one of your stupid fans and called your record label, trying to just hear the wordokaycome out of your mouth. So I’d know you were fine. Only to get hung up on. That was the moment I vowed to never let anyone in like I’d let you.”
“I didn’t know,” Elijah expresses, edging closer with frantic eyes. Grabbing my forearms, he urges, “Do you think I wanted to leave that day? I was a kid. I had no idea they were going to rip everything that mattered to me away. Fuck, I didn’t even know you’d called. You think I wouldn’t want to talk to you?”
I have no idea what to think.
“What’s done is done.” I shrug my shoulders, and after my slight movement, his fingers tighten on my arms. “Don’t worry; this house is the only thing I’ve got. I’m not going to run away like you did,” I say before gesturing to his hands with my chin.
“Stop.”
