CHAPTER24
AMELIA
It takes everything in me not to break down in this restroom stall.
I didn’t expect the night to end up like this. It seemed that the truce we had formed the other night was working out so far, and I wanted to soak that in. Today, I saw a different side of Levi. I saw him smile and let loose a bit.
Then, the night ended up with me hiding away in a restroom stall, and God knows if he just left. He probably did. Why would he care about me? Nothing between us is real.
Sitting on the closed toilet seat, I drop my head into my hands and let my tears fall freely. Let my world crumble in a strange restroom while I’m all alone, just like I always feel. No matter how many people are in a room, I still feellonely.
I’ve always felt like I don’t belong. I watch everyone else around me get praised, talk to their tons of friends, get good grades in school, have more fans than me, and get more attention.
Feel more loved than I’ve ever felt.
I’ve never wanted to be envious of my siblings. But when you’re the one sibling who is justthere, you can’t help but let those feelings arise.
I’ve always been the quiet one, growing up. As my brothers made new friends, I would always stand off to the side with a small smile on my face. I know people thought I was awkward or wondered if I was mute. But I physically and mentally couldn’t think of anything to say to start a conversation. So, I would just stand there and watch my brothers be whoI wanted to be.
I watched my family praise them and compliment them, as if they were the trophy children, and then they would look over at me and give me a compliment just so I wouldn’t feel excluded. But I always knew I was living in the shadows. I even dyed my hair blonde, thinking it would help me stand out, be different from my brothers. After years of feeling this way, I got used to it. I thrived in the silence.
Until the only thing people seemed to notice about me was my body.
How I was too skinny and needed to eat more to look healthy.
How I gained too much weight and needed to lose the extra pounds.
“You have no meat to grow muscle off of …”
“You look like you’ve let yourself go.”
“Don’t they feed you?”
“Don’t you eat?”
Is that the only thing people notice about me? Is my body the only thing I have to offer?
My body shakes as tears pour down my face. My body is racked with the humiliation from a man pointing out my eating disorder in a room full of people. To millions of people …
Oh God. It’s going to be posted online.
Why can’t people see the playful personality I try to make shine brighter than my health?
Why, why, why?
How am I going to go back out there after getting called out like that? I wish Trinity were here. She always knows what to do and what to say. But I feel like staying in the safety of this stall all night until I can sneak away, unnoticed. Because being here alone makes me feelsafe.
“Amelia?”
I look up, thinking I’m hearing stuff. Sniffling, I blink past the blurry tears in my eyes.
“Amelia?” Is whispered again from a familiar voice that’s usually rough but it’s now soft. Almost like he’s pleading.
His black Doc Martens stop in front of my stall before I hear a soft knock.
“Honey, you can open the door. It’s just me. You’re safe,” his hesitant yet respectful voice whispers in the quiet restroom, covering my skin in goose bumps.
I reach forward, and the door swings slowly open and reveals the brawny man in front of me. The man whose face ninety-nine percent of the time is as reserved as I feel on the inside. But as I come into his view, Levi’s face falls in relief before his eyes sadden at the sight of me.
