Not giving her a chance to respond, I hang up with shaky hands and my heart pounding away in my chest. Gripping my hair in my hands in frustration, I pace my room.
My chest … it feels tight.
God, this hurts.
I knew I shouldn’t have answered. I always get my fucking hopes up that she’s clean. That she wants to repair the damage she’s caused all these years. But once again, after a conversation with her, the walls of this house feel suffocating.
The deep breaths I’m taking only make my lungs feel smaller.I need to leave. Now.
I make my way toward the front door, and Axel and Rowan appear in front of me.
“Shit, you look like the Hulk.”
Rowan elbows Axel in the ribs. Groaning, he rubs the assaulted area.
“You look like you need space. We’ll watch the kid for you. Go to the gym. Nowhere else, Levi,” Rowan tells me.
Nodding once, I grab my keys and slam the door behind me.
* * *
I sit in the corner of a bar. Hood up with my hands in tight fists on the table.
Why the fuck am I here? I should’ve gone to the gym, just like Rowan suggested.
Sometimes, I like to torture myself by sitting in here and not ordering anything.
What the fuck happened to me? Why am I like this? What kind of life am I living?My mind just keeps screaming at me repeatedly. It. Won’t. Stop.
Deep down, I know why. The real me died a long time ago, but nobody noticed because there wasn’t any blood.
CHAPTER9
AMELIA
One thing that I can’t live without is gum. I always have a pack in my bag and on my side table in my room. Basically, I live off it. It helps when the hunger comes and I don’t feel like I can stomach anything. Somehow, it also makes me feel more relaxed. So, you can imagine how I felt when I found my last pack of gum empty. The anxiety crept in, and then the anxiety turned into nausea.
I tell Leonidas, Elijah, and Trinity that I feel a headache coming and need some fresh air. They offer to join me, but I quickly decline. I need to be alone. They would know right away why I was so urgent to leave at eight o’clock at night.
Placing the hood of my hoodie on my head, I stroll down the sidewalk. The hoodie I’m wearing is our band’s merch. I probably shouldn’t have worn this in more of an effort to blend in, but seeing the street mostly empty and dark, I don’t see a problem.
The streetlights cast a yellow glow, and I’m reminded of the days where I used to be able to just go outside and walk. I miss feeling normal. I would do anything to get rid of the constant fear that someone’s following me. Holding my bag tightly to my side, I let my eyes wander around the surrounding shops.
“Amelia!”
My bones turn ice cold, my lips drop open in panic, and my hands shake in fear as I hear feet pound against the pavement behind me.
God, no.
Please no.
“Amelia, wait up!” a man’s voice calls out as he rushes behind me.
I exhale a wheezy breath and continue forward, glancing over my shoulder as I walk faster to get away from the silhouette running toward me.
“Amelia, can you stop so we can have a chat?”
Hearing another set of feet behind me sends me into an absolute state of panic, and I search for an escape. Nothing is open at this time of night. Every window I see is dark, showing the owners are probably where I need to be right now.
