“I would never deliberately put you in danger, knowing the outcome would only harm you.”
I see my oldest brother clutch the steering wheel tightly at Levi’s words. I know he isn’t used to the idea of us yet, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it took him a while, but he took our relationship way better than I’d expected, so that’s a major plus.
“I just feel guilty,” I say loud enough for everyone to hear. “How does this make us any different from him?”
I feel my heart rate in my chest quicken as Leonidas puts the car in park in front of our house. He turns toward where I’m squished between Elijah and my boyfriend in the back, and Trinity faces us too.
“We’re taking back our happiness, a small part of our freedom,” Leonidas explains, his eyes softening once he sees my anxiety. “This doesn’t make us any different, but we’re doing what we have to do. If he didn’t want it to come down to this, then he should’ve been a better father.”
“And plus,” Trinity adds in with a grin, “we’re not doing anything illegal.”
“What I want to know is your motives. Why are you so angry?” Leonidas directs at an uncomfortable-looking Levi.
His body is way too big to be sitting in the backseat. His knees are touching the back of Trinity’s chair, and the arm that’s closest to me would have been squished against mine if he hadn’t placed it around my shoulders. I almost take out my phone to take a picture.
Levi frowns, his hands clenched into fists in his lap. “Well, for one, he threatened to expose that I’m a recovering alcoholic to the entire world. Which I’m sure you know now.” He sends Trinity a look. “He then proceeded to threaten my sister’s future and made my girlfriend break up with me.”
“And Mom is safely in Canada, running loose with the moose.” Elijah breaks the tension, looking at Trinity as she scowls.
Oh no, here comes the monthly lecture on Canadian culture. Elijah loves pushing her buttons. If I were Trinity, I would attack him too.
“I was born and raised in Canada, and I’ve never seen a fucking moose,” she spits out, rolling her eyes at him. “Might as well say I rode a polar bear to school every morning with my skates as shoes.”
My brother laughs beside me while wiping tears from the corners of his eyes. “I love this. It’s so entertaining.”
Giving him the finger, she flips her long, straight hair as she turns around to face the front. “I hate you.” Pushing down the black Gucci sunglasses that were resting on her head, Trinity purses her lips in distaste.
The more that I look at my brother and her together, the more I believe she’s truly a boy version of him.
“No, you don’t.” Unclipping his seat belt, he scoots to the edge of his seat. His knees dig into my leg, making me cuddle more into my boyfriend, as Elijah reaches over to pinch Trinity’s cheek.
She slaps his hand away with a groan, glaring at him over her shoulder. “Now, I hate you.”
“Are the children done arguing?” Leonidas says, patiently tapping the steering wheel with both of his pointer fingers.
“You’re only a couple minutes older than me,” Elijah exaggerates, sinking into his black hoodie. “Let’s get that straight.”
Playfully bickering with my siblings saves my soul. It gives me a sense of comfort. I don’t care if that’s weird.
“I’m gathering this is a normal thing.” Levi gestures to us, a small smirk on his face.
“You’ll get used to it,” Trinity says over her shoulder before rubbing her hands together in anticipation. “Are we doing this or what?”
Leonidas takes a deep breath before opening his door. We all climb out after him, standing in front of his G-Wagon.
When the LA sun shines on my face, I regret wearing my emotional-support pink hoodie I always wear. However, I wanted to wear long sleeves so I wouldn’t feel naked under his gaze. He always makes me feel that way, even when I’m clothed.
“Let’s go.” Elijah swallows thickly and makes his way to the front door with his signature red cap backward on his head.
Leonidas runs to walk beside him, and as I look at the two walking side by side, looking like Avengers on a mission, while my just-as-scary best friend and boyfriend walk beside me, I’ve never felt safer.
Never felt more ready.
Just as I walk into our old home, clasping Levi’s hand as if my life depends on it, I want to walk back out. Old, harmful memories—my father’s screams and the verbal punches he would throw our way—crawl their way into my brain, suffocating me.
I see vivid memories of my brothers standing in front of my mother as our father yelled in their faces for them to move aside. When he smashed the Christmas presents Mom had wrapped for us because he got upset that we weren’t practicing. When he shoved food down my throat and mocked my brother after his attempt at suicide. When he told Elijah to tone down the happiness because it was annoying. I feel it all. Feel all the pain that no daughter, son, or wife should feel from the one person who should make them feel safe … not live in fear.
I let it affect me once more as we walk to his study, knowing that’s where he is. He is always in that damn office, doing God knows what.
