God, just thinking about that is like a shot right to my chest.
I became my sister’s legal guardian when I was twenty-one years old. There’s no way in hell she’s getting taken away from me when I’m twenty-four.
So, I fight off my cravings as best as I can by sitting in the middle of my kitchen, trying to distract my mind by writing. But a few moments into my songwriting, a small voice from my right surprises me.
“Lee?”
I turn slowly and find Stella standing at the end of the hallway. Her emotional-support blanket is fisted in her small hand as she brings it up to her nose and sniffs it.
Stella’s bottom lip trembles. “Lee? Lee?”
Walking toward her tiny frame, I pick her up and balance her on my hip. “What’s wrong, my love?” I whisper as I place my lips on her forehead.
Feeling her body tremble against mine makes me hold her tighter than before.
“I had a bad dream.”
Stella always has bad dreams. No matter what I do before she goes to bed, nothing helps. I’m hoping it’s just a stage and they’ll go away with time. I lie in her bed before she goes to sleep and rub lavender oil on her wrists and the bottoms of her feet—it’s supposed to relax her, according to the article I read a while back. I even make sure I read her a story and turn on a small night-light in her bedroom. But the dreams keep coming. I don’t know what else to do.
“I’m sorry, Stella. You’ll sleep in my bed with me tonight,” I say, already making my way to my bedroom.
She sniffles against my bare chest and nods. Placing her down in the middle of my bed, I settle beside her. Pulling the sheets up, I cuddle her to my body.
“Close your eyes. I’m right here.”
She snuggles into me more and places her tiny palm on my chest, right above my heart. She always seems to do that when she’s stressed or scared. That little gesture really keeps me going. I fight for her and only her.
“What if a m-monster comes?”
“There’re no monsters. Remember, we checked everywhere before you went to bed?” I try to put her at ease, but her body still trembles.
“I’m scared,” she cries out, stuffing her face in my neck.
Stella lies on top of me, straddling me, and wraps her tiny arms around my neck as she lets out a heartbreaking sob.
Rubbing her back, I whisper, “How much does Levi love you?”
Stella’s voice is muffled, but I’m still able to understand her when she says between cries, “Up to the sky and down.”
“That’s right. Levi loves you all the way up to the sky and down. So, that means I would never let anything bad happen to you.”
I relax when I hear her breathing slow after a couple of minutes. I stay still until she falls into a deep slumber. Cradling her body in my arms as I slowly get up, I place her on my bed and make my way to my desk, attempting to write again quietly while my baby sister sleeps behind me.
I curse when my phone dings loudly. My finger hurries to turn off my ringer. Glancing over my shoulder, I pray Stella didn’t hear a thing. I sink down in my chair when she doesn’t move a muscle. Picking up my phone, I read a text from one of my best friends.
Axel
You up?
Me
Why? You wanna fuck or something?
Axel
You read my mind, dude.
Axel
