I smile at her words.
In short, Leo thinks I’m a freak. They all think I’m a freak. Despite that, when depressing memories unfold, you want nothing but to get rid of those thoughts. That’s how my mind works when music starts playing. The flashbacks start coming—the time my heart stopped when we got the call, when I saw my dad dead in a hospital with blood all along his chest.
“I’ll talk about it another night. Right now, I just want to stuff my face with cookies.” I clap my hands. Reaching for another cookie, I take a bite while holding eye contact with Leo.
Smiling at me slightly, he reaches for the remote. “Let’s watch a movie, but I’ll make sure it’s not scary this time.” He sends a wink in my direction.
SIX
LEO
Ionce loved singing. I used to love hearing my name being screamed from all directions in the arena. I craved the crowd and how I felt when I sang into my microphone. The best part of it all was when I glanced behind me and saw my best friends.
My brother, Elijah, and my sister, Amelia.
To the world, we’re known as Times Three. A famous rock band. With three members, who are triplets.
Before we got fame and started touring the world, we would practice downstairs in our basement. Jumping off the couches, we would strum our invisible guitars and yell into our fists. Since we were little, we longed of this. I never thought I could live this life in reality.
It’s a dream, and I feel like I’m going to be shaken awake any second.
One day, my siblings and I decided to make a YouTube channel and post a video of us covering a song. To our surprise, the video went viral. We got millions of views. The video hype escalated and got shared on local news stations. From there, everything just took off very quickly.
In a matter of a few months, we went from sitting in the basement, shooting videos, to standing in front of screaming crowds.
I still remember the day we had to choose our band name. We sat around a big, round table with our agent, Justin. He said it needed to be catchy. We sat there for hours on end until we thought of it.
X3—however, you pronounce it as Times Three.
Many people wonder why we chose that as our band name. It seemed fitting since the three of us are triplets. Amelia is the oldest, I come second, and Elijah is the youngest. They are my life, my best friends. We have caused trouble since we were in the womb together.
Without them, I wouldn’t be here today. I wouldn’t want to be on a stage with anyone else. As our careers took off and we gained millions of supporters all around the world, my love for singing left me.
Singing in front of hundreds of people was fun, but now, when we stand in front of a sold-out arena with people holding signs and screaming at the top of their lungs to our music … something has changed for me. Writing music and then singing it for hours, it feels like a chore.
Waking up every day and knowing I have to go to rehearsals and meet and greets is something I dread. Our agent pressures us to be perfect. I have to sound flawless and look the part. Yet how can anyone be perfect?
At fifteen, our fame took off. My voice was still cracking, and I had acne on my face. I was figuring out who I was. Now, four years later, I feel lost. I don’t know who I am.
I understand how the world sees me, but who am I to myself?
As we got more followers and sold more tickets, my father became my worst nightmare. In our downtime, he would force us to practice. He would push us too far. He made me hate singing even more.
The few nights that I had to myself, I would write.
I’m the singer of the group, Amelia is the drummer, and Elijah plays the guitar. Since day one, I’ve always been responsible for writing our songs. Each line and melody comes from my heart.
Over time, fans have gotten crazier, spreading rumors, loving me too much, to the point where I feel like I am suffocating. I can’t even open my social media accounts without getting overwhelmed by how many messages, comments, and posts I see about myself. It feels like I’m constantly being watched with a microscope. People just wait for me to mess up. Once I do, there they go to Twitter.
I lost all my motivation under all the lights.
I haven’t written a song in months. They’re all horrible, and I wouldn’t dare put them out into the world. If it’s not my best work, then I won’t let anyone hear it. Every single one of my songs has a specific deep meaning—our life journey, our struggles. The multiple pages that I’ve thrown out with random lines scribbled down in my horrible chicken scratch had none of the emotion that I’m used to writing with. I can’t seem to shake myself out of this writer’s block.
My dad, our agent, and producers are getting fed up with me. The fans are wondering why we haven’t come out with any new songs.
Now, don’t get me wrong; I love my fans. Without them, I wouldn’t have the life I have right now. I appreciate everyone who streams our songs. Yet having to change into a completely different person at just only nineteen is a pain in the ass. Amelia, Elijah, and I had to grow up fast.
Too fast.
