When his door opens, I try to keep an emotionless face.
His face drops with shock and disbelief. “Trinity, you came to see me?” he chokes out. He brings his hand in the air to reach my face but decides against it.
My hand touches his, bringing it up to my face. I let him cup my cheek. “I don’t blame you.”
He looks at me like I’m the stupidest person in the world. “Why? You should just run, run away and never look back.”
No, I won’t run. I ran for years, which made me miserable. I refuse to lose something that I love.
I glare at him, raising my chin. “You know why I don’t blame you? I don’t blame you because you weren’t holding that gun. You didn’t fire that shot. You almost killed yourself out of grief.” I speak passionately. “The only reason I’m slightly mad is because you kept this from me.”
He stutters, “I didn’t know you were his daughter until we were in deep, I swear, so if you think that’s why—”
I interrupt, “I know you didn’t use me, but I know fear was pulling you back. You can’t keep lying to the people you love because you’re scared.” I grip his black T-shirt in my fists. “How much do you think I’ll be willing to take?”
Thinking about how Elijah and Amelia kept the secret from me also stings a bit. Why didn’t they tell me about this? But Leonidas is my boyfriend. He should have been honest.
“You deserve so much more than me. You lost your father because of me—”
I interrupt again, “I know I should be furious with you. I would be with anyone else but you. So, please stop trying to make me hate you.”
He leans against the doorframe. “You deserve someone better than me. Someone who doesn’t keep secrets from you, someone who lives close to you.” As he throws his hands up in the air, his forehead creases.
My hands push his firm chest. He staggers back as I slam the door behind me.
“Why are you saying everything to push me away? I’m standing right here, right now because after finding out you kept the biggest, most horrible secret for me, I still love you. My heart still hurts because I know that if I booked a plane ticket home, I wouldn’t have you in my life anymore.” My voice breaks as moisture gathers in my eyes. “I don’t care if people call me stupid for going back to you. They don’t know you like I do. They don’t know how hard you love.” My voice gets louder as I take a step closer to him.
“No matter how much you tell yourself that you killed my father, I won’t believe it. Why do you think he was there?” I question him. “He was there, buying me a guitar. That beautiful guitar that you saw is mine. I’d told him I wanted it, so he had gone that day. So, if you blame yourself for being there the same day, an innocent boy excited to get a new instrument, then my dad’s death is on me too!” My chest heaves up and down as he looks at me brokenly.
Closing the space between us, I jab my finger in his chest as I whisper, “That fifteen-year-old boy didn’t commit murder. He was a witness to one.”
His body shakes as he glances away. Gripping his chin, I pull his face down, so my eyes meet his own.
“You’ve had to live with this burden for years. I can’t imagine how hard this has been on you. The entire time, I thought Mom and I were the only ones grieving, but you were too.”
Rising on my tippy-toes, I place a delicate kiss on his forehead. He shudders at the feeling, gripping my waist lightly.
He mumbles, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for all the pain I caused you. I regret not telling you. I stayed up at night when I wasn’t in your arms, questioning why I couldn’t muster up the courage.” His broken voice has me placing my forehead against his.
“I would have been terrified if I were in your position.”
“But you would have said something to me. You’re full of bravery and courage. I hate to admit this, but I’m jealous of that,” he bites out.
“I wasn’t always like this,” I say back to Leonidas. “I worked to get where I am, so who says you can’t be as brave as me?” Running my hands down his tense back, I smile up at him. “By the way, I think you’re pretty brave and strong. The more you tell yourself that you are, the more you’ll believe it.”
He stays quiet. I know he’s confused and hurt. His head must be a mess of thoughts. Not to mention, a shooting took place at his concert. I would have been terrified if I had been up there with them.
His glassy eyes look everywhere but my face. “Why? I still can’t believe you’re here, giving me another chance after this,” he breathes out.
Leonidas is too hard on himself. He’ll convince himself that he’s worthless and he deserves nothing but the worst. He’s so wrong. I look up to people like him—broken but slowly healing. After all that he’s been through, he’s still standing with his head held up high.
He needs to realize that he’s one of a kind.
I drop my hands from his back and take a few steps back. “Do you want me to leave right now and never look back—”
“No. God, no,” he interrupts strongly. Closing the remaining distance between us, he stares down at me with confusion. “You amaze me every day. I wouldn’t be able to forgive like you.”
All the pain in my life that I’ve experienced makes me appreciate the little things in life. You never know when happiness will be taken away from you. So, that’s why I hold on tight with both hands because I can’t afford to lose him, the guy who makes me laugh, even on my rainy days.
