My hands cup the freezing cold water that is pouring out of the tap at a fast pace. Somehow, when the water splashes on my face, it shocks me out of my thoughts. The only thing I pay attention to is how cold the water is. The way it freezes my face, making me wince back.
Wow, this worked. I didn’t even need to take pills.
Who would have known? Definitely not me.
“Leonidas, talk to me,” she says.
I sit on the floor where I once was. “I’m good.”
Trinity’s shaky breathing is the only thing I focus my attention on.
“Does that happen often?”
“Only when you’re not around.”
She rasps, “So, this wasn’t the first time?”
There’s no point in lying to her.
“No, it wasn’t.”
The line is quiet, too quiet.
“My life is shit without you in it. Everything is automatically harder.” My voice is rough as I expose myself to the only one I crave.
“I know exactly what you mean.”
I stay quiet because I know she has more to say.
“What triggered it today?”
“My father, the team, something shitty I did,” I say, listing them off.
“What did you do?” Authority is in her voice, which makes me flinch.
I tell her the truth because I’d rather her hear it from me and not through the news. She stays quiet as I rant to her. She only butts in when she offers me a piece of advice. The one thing that stays in my mind the entire time I face my demons outside is hearing Trinity say this one line.
“Keep rocking on.”
FIFTY-ONE
TRINITY
It’s been three weeks without him, weeks of feeling miserable.
I thought I would feel more heartbroken, yet as the days go on and I’m left alone to only hear my thoughts, I’m more lonely than anything. Loneliness is like feeling a loss of direction. You want to reach out to people, but you don’t know how. I feel like someone spun me around in the dark with a blindfold over my eyes and told me to walk in the right direction. Which direction is right?
Not only was I used to having Leonidas around, but I also loved Amelia’s and Elijah’s company.
They sparked a happiness in me I hadn’t felt for years. They’re real people who only want to see you shine with happiness. How am I supposed to cope when I just got better? The three people who changed my life and guided me to have a better lifestyle are suddenly gone.
At night, the loneliness is the worst. I stay up, deep in thought, wondering what he’s doing. The thought of him is so strong when I’m engulfed in darkness, staring at the wall ahead of me. Everywhere I look, I see his face, even when my eyes are closed. I blink back tears when I’m in public and pass happy couples.
When Leonidas left, he took a piece of my heart with him. That empty, cold spot makes my breaths come out shaky, and I try to force myself to calm down. I let out fake laughs that feel like punches to my gut.
Is he hurting as much as I am? You can’t see how someone’s truly doing in just an hourlong phone call.
Every time we bid each other good-bye, my finger always hovers over the red End button. As I push it and lock eyes with my home screen, the feeling of being lost comes back full force. That’s what happens when you get attached to someone. You rely on them to make you happy. I can’t decide if that’s good or bad.
