My body sags forward as I run a hand down my face. “I’m not sure, Mom. I’m going crazy in here.” I tap my head with my index finger.
“This will end badly if you don’t tell her,” Mom points out, voice loud with authority. “You’ll lose the one thing you’ve been trying to avoid. Keeping secrets is never good, especially if you love someone.”
There’s a constant battle in my head every day about Trinity. As I think deeply about telling her about myself, I realize there will never be a good time to tell her. I’ve already kept this too long. I’ll break her heart into millions of pieces. She’ll want nothing to do with me, and I’ll be left all alone.
My heart aches at the thought of losing her.
Mom walks up to me and bends down, so she’s eye-level with me. “Stop pretending to be such a tough guy and own up to your mistake. If she finds out some other way, Trinity will never trust you again. If it comes from you, she might forgive you.” Giving my cheek a kiss, she sends me a sad smile. “I know you love her, Leonidas. Love breaks people.”
“What if things change?” I pipe up.
“What if what changes?” she asks softly.
“Our relationship.”
Standing up straight, she glares down at me. “If I know that girl, I know she won’t love you for being in X3. She fell in love with this.” She pokes me in the chest, right above where my heart lies.
Sitting there, I repeat what she’s said thousands of times. I watch as she finally leaves the room and closes the door softly behind her.
Fuck, I don’t know what to do. I can’t lose this girl. I refuse to let go of her. I know I’ll lose her.
Fear is pulling me back. It’s gripping me like I’m its hostage.
Whenever I’m around Trinity, I always obsess over her laughs. I love them. I know if I don’t tell her about my identity, my favorite melody will disappear into thin air. I place my forehead on my cold desk, and my food that was once warm turns ice cold as I do what I’m best at.
Think.
THIRTY-TWO
TRINITY
Simba’s gone. I failed again.
The one thing that was trusted in the palms of my hands is gone. My heart aches, races, breaks in half. I can’t think clearly. My hands shake. I’ve run around my entire house, looking for him. I searched every single damn nook and cranny. No matter where I look, he’s nowhere to be seen.
I grip my hair tightly as I stand in the middle of the kitchen, and my eyes wildly glance over everywhere. If he’s not in here, he has to be outside. That’s my only option left.
I run out the back door, not even caring that I don’t have shoes on. The tiny pebbles of cement dig into my soft flesh, and pain shoots up my body, but it doesn’t compare to how heartbroken I am at this moment. Nothing hurts more than the growing ache in my chest.
I look all around our backyard. I try calling out his name, squeezing his favorite noisy toy, clapping my hands, and whistling. Yet his small golden body doesn’t emerge from the bushes like it usually does, like I hoped.
My eyes cloud over with tears as I sink down onto the grass, clenching my chest as my breathing feels more forced, rushed. This can’t be happening. He’s only a puppy. Simba’s lost. He could be anywhere in these woods. He could have gotten hurt, stolen, or—God forbid—eaten.
How the hell did he get out? He’s always attached to my hip. Nothing makes sense anymore.
Not wanting to waste another minute of crying on the ground and not doing anything about my current dilemma, I get up, using so much energy, and run toward where the mature, thick trees are bunched together.
My eyes roam the forest floor. I listen intently for a sound, a bark, or a damn doggy pant. Nothing. I feel tension build up in my chest.
Please don’t have a panic attack, Trinity. Not now.
The surrounding forest is what a forest looks like in a horror movie. The sky is glum and gray today, casting a dark aura in here. Branches lie on the floor. My foot steps on one, and it cracks under the pressure, making me flinch back in fear.
Even the birds are silent. Their usual chirps of happiness are not occurring today, leaving the forest in a quiet, freaky hum.
I look over my shoulder and find the house I grew up in and used to find comfort in, but now, it feels like a cold hug.
It’s far away from where I stand, looking miles away. How long have I been searching? I’m not an idiot. I know I should go back. I don’t feel like dying this way. Who knows what can come out of these woods? As far as I can see from here, my puppy is nowhere to be seen.
