“Oh.” Kaine’s brow wrinkled. “We can’t have that.”
“Just picture his tired, stressed-out,sadface.”
Kaine shuddered. “We’ll do it your way, dear.”
“Thank you.” Ysabel turned back to me. “After we put on a show and threaten the dwarves a bit, then we’ll switch to bribery. I know the location of their missing secretary of the treasury. I’ll let you offer that up as a trade, so they can give up the rights to our kingdom but still save face.”
I tapped my chin. “The carrot-and-stick approach. Clever.” It felt good to have Ysabel around again. If only Calum was still here too …
Cradling her head in her hands, Donya mumbled, “It’s way better than anything I came up with. We might as well try.” She sounded absolutely exhausted. I was glad Ysabel had shown up to help her. If only I could have been more use before this. I was in way over my head, and I knew it.
Ysabel patted Donya on the shoulder. “Chin up! This is going to be fun.”
Both Donya and I gave her the glare that she deserved.
When I’d agreed to act the part of the villainess, I hadn’t fully thought through what it would entail.
As Araceli tied up the laces on the back of my dress, I groaned. “I don’t think I can do this.”
“You did great last time.” Araceli patted my shoulder.
“Last time I was riding high on adrenaline and anger.” I gnawed on my lip. This had all seemed so much easier in the planning room. Now I had to go out there and threaten people way more important than me. My hands shook.
Araceli stepped around to face me and meet my eyes. “Would it help if I stay somewhere nearby so I can rescue you if you start to falter?”
“Yes, please,” I whispered.
“Then I will. I’ll help you get through this. Turn around so I can do your hair.” Araceli spun me to face the mirror.
A stranger stared back at me. Today’s dress was red as blood with a ruffled skirt, rubies dotting the bodice and the long, flowing sleeves. A cloth rose jutted at the hip. The dress was strapless with puffs of lace around my shoulders and a massive ruby brooch centered between my breasts. It bared an embarrassing amount of cleavage. My ears felt heavy from the long teardrop garnet earrings I wore. The combination of a crown and a heavy golden necklace made me feel like my head was being pulled downward. The rings on my fingers were all fakes, but I had no choice but to wear them as the duchess’s famous style no matter how much they hurt my knuckles. The duchess’s long blonde hair frizzed in all directions before Araceli grabbed clumps and started to tame it into a braided bun.
I shifted. I was sweating again. Ugh, I always felt hot in this body. As I moved, my stomach jiggled. I flinched as I watched the waves in the mirror. It brought back an old, dark impulse. Keeping busy had staved off the thoughts. Now they returned.
At one point, I’d hated mirrors. I’d covered every last one in my house. It had taken me a long time to reach a tentative truce with my body. This body? It wasn’t me, so I had no self-love for it. I’d never even liked Duchess Hedri before I’d been forced into such great intimacy with her, which made it even harder. The cold blue eyes staring at me in the mirror reminded me of the duchess casually ordering my death.My back and knees hurt, all the more when I’d been stuffed into strange fancy outfits. I couldn’t get used to the height. The body didn’t move how I was accustomed to and kept bumping into things. It wasfat.
Years ago, late one evening after leaning over the toilet retching, I’d noticed that my teeth had signs of decay and my hair had gotten thinner. My knuckle had a callus from sticking it down my throat so many times. I’d tortured my body trying to make it look like I wanted it to and ended up hating myself even more.
Then and there, I had decided to stop letting the word “fat” have power over me. It hadn’t worked so easily, of course. I’d faked it until I made it. (Mostly made it.)
Now I’d been thrown off my equilibrium. I lurked uneasily inside this strange, heavy body. It felt unfair that I’d somehow gained weight without doing anything except being body-swapped. Irrational, I knew. That was hardly the most unfair thing about this situation. I’d been trying to stop caring about weight at all. But it bothered me the most. I felt torn between desperately trying to shed the extra pounds with another round of gorging myself on food and throwing up because it was a lost cause. I knew how easy it would be for me to slip back into doing both.
“I look awful,” I whispered.
Araceli removed a pin between her lips to speak. “You look great.”
I glanced down at my feet, away from that horrible mirror. “I didn’t mean to insult your handiwork. You’ve done the best you could with the materials you had available.”
“I’m not flattering you. Or myself. I mean it.”
“Uh-huh,” I mumbled, wanting to change the topic.
“Just look at you.” Araceli swept a hand down my dress. “Magnificent, every inch. You’ve got eyes like a pair of diamonds. They perfectly suit that sharp chin. Such soft, voluminous hair. I was always jealous of the duchess’s hair, to be honest. Mine is so thin. Your bosom … hmm, I’d probably better stop before I sound crude, but suffice it to say the dress complements it. The heels make you look even taller and more imposing. The real duchess rarely wore high heels, so I’m glad you let me put you in them, because they match the style you have going. Between the spiky metal on your dress and the crown, you look like a battle goddess ready to burn this city down if it doesn’t bow before you.”
“When you say imposing, you mean fat, right? All the rubies in the bodice only make me look even thicker around the middle. The skirt is huge, and I hate it!” The words poured out of me like a torrent.
“Some people like big women,” Araceli said. “Not everyone, of course. Court fashion says a woman shouldn’t be tall. I say bullshit. Anyone who isn’t into giant, big-boned women won’t be your target audience. So what? Rather than trying to make yourself smaller to suit other people, why not play up your strengths? Go ahead and show off those long legs with some heels. Adorn a gemstone on every acre of flesh. Let the ample bosom have freedom. You look magnificent.”
The passion in her voice moved me. I gazed at my reflection again. This time, I also took in Araceli standing next to me, holding my shoulders. She had such sincerity in her gaze that I couldn’t help but believe she meant every word. When I looked at her eyes, then back at my reflection, I could start to see what she saw. The duchess did look intimidating, confident, and dangerous.
