I nod, not trusting myself to speak because clearly I’m making awful decisions today. What the fuck am I doing? I just need to leave, and maybe drink a whole bottle of wine to cope with the level of embarrassment I feel.
It’s only after I climb into the safety of my car, watching Jack glance back at me before he disappears inside the house that I realize the only person I’ve been fooling is myself.
Holy shit.
I think I might like Jack.
Fuck.
CHAPTER 23
Jack
Alondra’salready on the ice by the time I arrive at the rink, and I’m not sure I want to know what time she got up. It’s four thirty in the morning, and I’m early after a night of tossing and turning before I finally gave up.
It was Nate’s night to sleep on their couch, and I’ve learned over the last few nights I don’t sleep very well when I’m not able to put myself between Alondra and her front door.
I shake out my hands, trying not to let my nerves get the better of me, but I’m scared shitless to talk to her.
Al walking in on me yesterday was awful timing, but I won’t know how bad it really is until I find out how long she stood there. I swear the door was shut, so it was quite the surprise to see her standing there watching me.
In my defense, how was I supposed to know she’d come over for tutoring when Al hasn’t spoken to me once since Thursday night? I also haven’t been able to forget the comment she made about how she’s not my girlfriend or my problem to fix either.
I’m not a mind reader, and those are the most mixed messages I’ve ever heard.
I lace up my skates, making sure they’re tight, waiting to step onto the ice until Alondra comes around. Matching the pace shesets, we skate a few laps together as I figure out where to start: Bradley, yesterday, or me and Al? Is there even a me and Al still? Was there ever a me and Al to begin with?
Do I tell her it makes me sick to think about how Bradley treated her? How there’s a part of me that wants to hurt him the same way he hurt her, especially after how he tried to intimidate her in my house—the one place I should have been able to ensure her safety?
He’s a coward—a fucking coward for needing to hit someone half his size to feel good about himself.
I shouldn’t have left her side, but the logical part of my brain keeps reminding me that I can’t be with her every single minute.
Dylan told me about her headbutt to Bradley’s jaw getting him to loosen his grip on her, and once I stopped losing my mind over the fact he put his hands on her, I was proud of her for getting away from him.
“I’m sorry for bailing. It wasn’t cool of me,” Alondra starts, pulling me from my thoughts.
“You don’t need to apologize,” I say, trying not to lose my balance after turning my head too fast to look at her.
Alondra looks different with her hair pulled back into a tight bun. “No, I do owe you one. I ignored you for four and a half days, and you didn’t deserve it,” she says, her resolve firm. “I was embarrassed, and I’m sorry.”
“You shouldn’t be embarrassed. I wish you would’ve just talked to me, but I never meant to make you feel like you’re a problem I’m trying to fix. I spend time with you because I like being around you. I’m sorry I didn’t make that clear.”
The only time I didn’t think about Alondra the past few days was during our games because I didn’t let myself. The rest of the time, though? I couldn’t get her out of my head. Somehow she’s become the first person I want to tell everything to, and I want to help keep her safe.
Alondra’s skates scrape against the ice as she drags one behind her, and I follow her lead, coming to a short stop in front of her. “You can’t be there for me every second of every day. I need a friend, not a bodyguard,” she says, and I take the opportunity to look at Alondra, memorizing everything about her in case she disappears again.
“I want to be your friend, but I’m also going to worry. You mean . . .” I falter because I don’t know what Al means to me. The immediate answer is she means everything, and trying to say anything less feels like a lie. I couldn’t protect Momma because I was a child, but I can help keep Al safe. “I’m not sorry for wanting to protect you, but I’ll make more of an effort to make you feel like I’m your friend and not a bodyguard.”
I had just walked away from Seth at the party to find Alondra when I noticed there was something going on across the room. My heart stopped when I realized it was Bradley, but my vision went red after seeing the look of pure panic on Al’s face after hearing what he said to her.
“I’m sorry,” she says again, but the last thing I want to hear right now is Alondra apologize.
“God, please stop apologizing, Al. It’s not your fault he can’t take no for an answer. It’s really not, and you shouldn’t apologize for it.”
Her beautiful eyes blink rapidly, but my chest hurts when tears pool in them. I hate seeing Al cry. I’d rather she yell and scream at me than cry.
Moving closer to her feels like the easiest decision in the world, and I lift my hand just in time to catch the first one that falls, brushing it away with the pad of my thumb.
