“Like I told you, it was some girl who got a little carried away trying to get over her ex,” I say, but it feels like my mouth is coated in acid describing what happened with Alondra like that.
She took my fucking breath away when I saw her standing there in her cowgirl costume, and I would’ve done anything she asked of me. I’m not an idiot, though. After everything that happened with Bradley the weekend before, Al wanted to feel in control, and I was happy to be a willing participant.
“That’s funny because I didn’t see you with anyone other than Alondra after the girls got there, and you didn’t have it before they arrived. The only time you disappeared was at the same time Al did, and you reappeared at the same time.”
I didn’t plan on anything happening when I took Al upstairs, but I didn’t want anyone overhearing us talk about Bradley. I certainly wasn’t going to tell her no when Alondra said she wasn’t drinking because she knew I wouldn’t kiss her if she was. I probably shouldn’t have kissed her regardless, because now all I can think about is kissing her, and the way her sweet body felt grinding on me as she chased her orgasm.Fuck, and the sounds Al made?I hear them on repeat in my head.
But I can’t say any of that, because I promised nothing would change.
“Just drop it, okay?” I snap, losing some of my patience.
“No, I’m not going to drop it because Al’s perfect for you, but you’re too busy fucking around to see it,” Dylan adds, and I want to argue that I’m not fucking around, but it would completely invalidate my bullshit story that it was some random girl. He already doesn’t believe it, but until I admit it, Dylan doesn’t actually know anything.
“She’s myfriend.”
“So you both keep insisting, but nobody is buying it.”
“Dylan, I don’t know what you want me to say. You don’t need to buy that Al and I are friends, but that’s all we are,” I say, laughing in disbelief. I don’t know what’s so hard for him to understand about this.
“Are you forgetting how you walked into the class I was in last week out of breath, and pulled me out without saying anything to run the whole way to their apartment? I saw how fucking afraid you were, and I’ve never seen anything shake you,” Dylan says, and I haven’t forgotten. It’s the reason I’ve been on their couch every night. The thought of Bradley showing up when I’m not there haunts me. I know Coop, Nate, and Dylan wouldn’t let anything happen to them, but until you’ve lived through it, you don’t understand how quickly things can turn bad. “All I’m trying to say is you’re not acting like you’re just friends.”
“If you’re implying I’m acting like she’s my girlfriend, Alondra’s not because I don’t do girlfriends.” I hold back my comment about how he has feelings for Ellie, and he doesn’t look at her like she’s just a friend, but it’s a low blow I’m not willing to stoop to.
“Are you really telling me you’re not attracted to her?”
I shove the jersey into my backpack, tired of this conversation. “Of course I’m attracted to her. She’s fucking beautiful, and not just on the outside, but as a person. Al’s a beautiful person, and she deserves better than me.” It’s because I care about her that I believe Alondra should be with someone who can love her with every fiber of their being, after being made to feel like she has to earn love her whole life.
“I think you’re an idiot, but if you’re not going to ask her to be your girlfriend, then don’t do anything besides be her friend. All of us like Al, and would prefer if she stuck around.” Dylan scoffs, rolling his eyes. “Actually, I want to say Al couldn’t do better than you, but that’s for you to figure out, I guess,” hesays, walking away, his bluntness catching me off guard from his usual easygoing personality. I have to give him credit for having the balls to say it to my face.
I drag my hands over my face, trying to hear everything he said, but honestly, I haven’t even considered the idea of dating Alondra. Maybe it makes me the idiot Dylan accused me of, but being someone’s boyfriend? It’s not an option, and never has been.
I don’t know how to be someone’s person.
Maybe it was after seeing my sperm donor throw around my momma like she was nothing more than a rag doll for the hundredth time I decided love didn’t exist. If loving someone means letting them hurt you over and over again, then I don’t want it. Relationships aren’t worth the pain they can wreak on a person.
I don’t think I’m wrong for what I believe, and I’m not going to apologize for it.
Dylan’s never questioned my decision until now.
But . . . the scary thing is that I think if I ever were to change my mind for someone, I could see it being for Al.
My adrenaline is working overtime tonight.
After taking the fastest shower of my life and changing back into my game day suit, I feel like I’m on cloud nine after playing one of my best games ever.
Every line tonight was solid, and Coop was a beast, blocking every shot the Eagles tried to get past him. We gelled, and if this is how we play the rest of the season, I have no doubt we’ll make it to the Frozen Four tournament.
What makes it even sweeter is knowing Momma’s waiting for me with Alondra.
I spent all of our class earlier thinking about my conversation with Dylan instead of paying attention, but I told Al I couldn’t focus because I was anxious for my momma to get here.
I couldn’t find Al before the game in the stands, and everything was too chaotic to look for her afterward, so I’m dying to know what jersey she ended up wearing. I know she’s here because she sent me a selfie with Ellie and Momma, but the photo didn’t let me see what number was on her shirt.
Fuck, I guess I should just be happy she came.
It was a great game, and there’s no way she didn’t have fun tonight. The energy in the crowd was electric, and I was on fire. I could feel it roaring in my veins every second I spent on the ice tonight.
When I spot Al, my smile grows at the sight of her in my light purple jersey, my number emblazoned on the front and back of the jersey, and I know it doesn’t mean anything, but I like seeing her wear it. She’s talking with Ellie and my mom, and I don’t know how to describe the way it causes my stomach to jump.
