“Because I’ve never felt good enough. It didn’t matter what I did, Dad. I felt like I could never measure up to your players and hockey. I was great at skating because I loved it, but all I really wanted was for you to be proud of me, and to love me.” I pull my ponytail over my shoulder, playing with the ends. “I’m not saying it’s your fault. I know I should have ended the relationship long before I did, but it felt like he loved me.”
His eyebrows furrow, and he rubs his jaw, finally connecting the dots. “But you quit skating?”
“You weren’t at that competition, but I wouldn’t stop looking for you after you promised you’d show up. Bradley was there, and he wanted to know why it wasn’t enough that I had him there. He told me it didn’t matter how high I placed because you were never going to put me over hockey. I argued because youpromised, Dad, then he hit me in the ribs so hard I couldn’t breathe. I never would’ve been able to finish the long program, so I dropped out. He apologized so many times, and somehow managed to make me believe he hurt me because he loved me. Then came the threats that if I left, he’d hurt himself, and I didn’t want to lose Bradley, but instead I lost the one thing that ever really mattered to me. You were so quick to believe it meant I didn’t love skating.”
He looks like he’s going to be sick. I feel robotic telling him everything, and it’s so different from all the other times I’ve hadto explain, but I think maybe I needed to fall apart in order to put myself back together again.
“I’m so sorry, Alondra. I should have been there. I should have noticed,” Dad says, and I twist my hands in my lap.
“I’m okay now. Jack’s mom helped me realize maybe a restraining order was the answer to getting Bradley to leave me alone.” Except all it did was weaponize my love for Jack, giving Bradley something to lord over my head. Even after escaping him, he still found a way to control me.
“Jack knows?” he asks, and I’m slow to nod.
“He tried to be there for me when he could, and if it makes you feel better, he wanted to tell you. I wouldn’t let him because I thought you’d be mad at me for staying as long as I did.”
“No, I’m not mad at you at all, honey. It’s not your fault,” he says, reaching across the desk to offer me his hand, and it feels like a lifeline. I rest my hand in his, taking the path for forgiveness because I don’t want to hold on to this anger anymore. It’s exhausting, and I’d rather just let him be my dad. “I’m so sorry I ever made you feel like hockey was more important than you, but you’re my daughter. You’ve always been the most important thing in my life, but I should have made sure you knew it. I should have been listening before, but I’m listening now.”
It’s kind of all I’ve ever wanted to hear from him.
CHAPTER 41
Jack
I’ve replayed nearlyevery moment with Alondra since I met her, and I’ve come to the conclusion that the memory of her is not something I’m capable of living with when I can do something to fix what I’ve broken between us. At least, it’s something I hope to fix if Coach B doesn’t kill me for knocking on his hotel door first.
“Goddamnit, I’m coming,” he swears as the chain rattles when he unhooks it. His hazel eyes, so similar to hers, widen when he sees me standing here. “Schultz?”
“I’m sorry, sir. I wanted to talk to you about something, and it couldn’t wait,” I blurt out, feeling my insides twist because I have such mixed feelings about this. He’s my coach, and Al’s his daughter, so as much as I don’t want to have to explain why I’m asking for his okay, I still need to.
Coach is silent for a moment, crossing his arms over his chest. “Okay.”
“I know it’s a big ask, and I’ll understand if you say no, but when we go to the airport in the morning, I want to fly to Texas to visit my father in prison. I have some unfinished business with him to clear up, and I’d like to take care of it sooner rather than later,” I say, and his eyebrows knit together, causing mypalms to sweat from how nervous I am. “I swear, I’ll be on the first flight back to Minnesota, and at practice Monday morning.”
“Does this have to do with my daughter at all?” he asks, and I hesitate before nodding.
“Respectfully, she’s incredible, but Al dumped me because I can’t admit I love her after everything I saw my father do to my mother growing up. She was right about everything she said, and I want to be the type of man she deserves. I promise my performance in games and practices won’t change. Hockey is my entire life, but she means a lot to me.”
Coach Brown sighs, and I hold my breath preparing for the worst. I just about shit my pants when I told him he was wrong banning Al from the skating rink. This might be worse, but it’s worth it.She’sworth it.
“You understand if you hurt her, there won’t be a body for the police to find, right?”
My smile is from ear to ear. “The last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt her.”
“Don’t make me fucking regret this, Jack.”
“You won’t, I promise. Thank you, Coach,” I say, feeling an immense wave of relief.
“Thank you for being there for her with Bradley. She told me everything, including how Bradley threatened to hurt you if she called the police to tell them he violated the restraining order.”
He threatened her with me?
Holy shit.
It explains so much about why she refused to call them even after he violated the restraining order. Al was trying to protect me, and as much as it pisses me off, I understand where she was coming from because if the roles were reversed, I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same.
“Of course. She’s my best friend. I’d do anything for her.”
And I would, including facing deep scars that have haunted me for years.
