She sets down the knife, reaching to open a cabinet, grabbing two wine glasses and then a bottle of wine out of the fridge. “First of all, please call me Penny—Ms. Schultz makes me feel old. Secondly, this feels like a conversation requiring something stronger than water.” Penny pours two hefty glasses of white wine, sliding one toward me.
I take the glass and her kindness, smiling at her. “Thank you.”
“The sauce looks thick enough, so let’s fold the chicken and vegetables in,” she says, holding up the cutting board to push the cubed chicken into the pan, followed by the mixed vegetables. She helps me pour the sauce into the pie pan over the crust, and we work to lay the second layer of crust over the top. I set the pan on the oven rack while Penny sets a timer, before grabbing the wine bottle, motioning for me to follow her to the kitchen table.
“It smells really good.”
“It’s one of Jack’s favorite meals,” she says, taking a sip of her wine, a quiet, nervous laugh escaping her a moment later. Penny twists the end of her ponytail around her finger. “Sorry, I’m not trying to make you upset with Jack, but he mentioned what you might be going through. He wasn’t trying to break your confidence, and it was only when he needed someone to talk to.”
“No, it’s okay. I’m not upset with him at all. Honestly, I kind of assumed he talked to you,” I say, taking a drink of my wine, the sweetness softening the topic of this conversation. “You were right to get the wine.”
“Definitely makes it easier to talk about this,” she says, her smile faint as she takes another drink. “I’m not sure how much he’s told you about his father, but he wasn’t a good man. He liked to cause pain—internally and externally.”
“Jack doesn’t talk about his dad at all. I know he’s in prison, but Jack didn’t want to talk about it, so I didn’t push.”
A faraway look forms in her eyes. “There’s a lot of things Jack saw because I was afraid to leave, and I’ll never forgive myself for it. He internalized everything David said, and his scars run deep. I wish I’d been able to protect him more.”
God, I thought things with Bradley were bad, but at least I didn’t have a kid with him. I can’t even imagine what I would have done then. “Did he ever touch Jack?” I ask, careful with how I word the question, and she sighs in relief, shaking her head.
“No, he didn’t. I was always able to distract him before it could get that far, but the things he saw . . . Jack was the one who called the police. He was nine, and I thought he was asleep, but David’s yelling must have woken him up. He had a gun to my head when the police showed up,” Penny says, rendering me speechless. I knew whatever happened with his dad was bad, but I didn’t imagine this.
God, no wonder he doesn’t believe in love. How could he?
“You did protect him. You did the best you could, and you raised a wonderful, kind person,” I say, the words getting caught as I force them out. “I can’t imagine what it would have been like going through that.”
Penny stares at me with a look similar to the one I get from Jack sometimes. “Sadly, I think you do understand, whether you had a child or not in the relationship. When was the first time?”
I take a drink of the wine, washing away the lump in my throat. “Two months in. I thought I loved him, and he loved me, so I told myself I imagined it. I tried to convince myself I’d stumbled instead of facing the fact my boyfriend had shoved me into a wall. Until it happened again, and the shoves turned into fists and a broken cycle of apologies. The mind games he’d playwould twist my head so far around, I couldn’t even figure out what the truth was by then,” I admit, and her smile is grim.
“If I had a dollar for every time I heard,I’m sorry, it’ll never happen again,I’d be a very rich woman.”
I tell Penny everything from the beginning of the relationship to current times, trying to leave out any part regarding my non-relationship with Jack. She is, after all, still his mother.
She listens and doesn’t pass judgment, or look at me a certain way. It’s the kind of conversation I wish I could have with my mom, but I’m not sure she’d react the same way.
“Have you thought about a restraining order?” she asks once I finish explaining how Bradley has been popping up around campus, Jack’s house, and my apartment. I know the guys can’t sleep on our couch forever, and eventually, this friends with benefits thing will end with Jack, ending our sleepovers.
“Would it even matter? I feel like all a restraining order would accomplish is making Bradley angry, causing him to lash out,” I say, pouring more wine into both of our glasses.
“If he does lash out, the restraining order will protect you. It might be what he needs to know you’re serious about being done.”
Bradley’s warning that we’re not over until he says we are echoes through my head.
“Al, you do get a say in when it’s over. Consider the restraining order,” Penny continues, her tone gentle.
“I’ll think about it,” I agree, twisting my fingers together. I can see the glimmering lights from their Christmas tree reflecting around their living room from here. I used to love this time of year when I was a kid, but being here with Jack and his mom is making some of the magic return.
“One of my biggest regrets is letting Jack go on like this for as long as I have. I was so busy trying to make myself okay again tobe there for Jack after David went to prison, I didn’t realize the depth of how it affected Jack until he was in high school.”
“Like how he doesn’t believe in love?” I ask, turning back toward her, eying his mom with curiosity. They’re so similar. I know his mom was young when she had Jack, but all of his best features he got from her. They have the same light brown hair and piercing blue eyes, framed by the longest lashes I’ve ever seen. His heart is incredibly warm and giving, and there’s no doubt where it came from, even if Jack thinks he doesn’t believe in love.
“That among other things, but I hope you won’t give up on him.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, trying to understand if Penny’s saying what I think she is.
She chuckles, and I think she sees right through my bullshit. “Alondra, I know my son, and you make him light up in a way I’ve never seen. Just give Jack some time to come around on the whole love thing.” Penny gives me a quick wink, causing my cheeks to erupt into flames, and I haven’t had enough wine for this. Did I say something to give away whatever the hell is going on between us?
“I don’t feel that way about Jack,” I protest, taking a long drink.
