That wasn’t what Maia had thought. She had assumed that Suri saying it inside her mind was good enough for the goddess. “So you said your vows?”
“I whispered the words. No one heard me. When people don’t expect you to speak, they don’t catch when you do.” Her gaze went back to Io.
“She did say that your light was brighter for her than the rest of us. That’s how I see Xander. How Zalira and Ahyana see Stephanos and Rokh. Maybe you should talk to her. Tell her how you feel.”
Suri shook her head, and I wasn’t sure if that was a permanent no or if she just wasn’t ready.
“It’s important to tell the people you love that you love them,” I said.
“I love you. In a different way.”
That made me smile and I was grateful that I could. That there could still be some light and happiness amid all the darkness. “I love you, too, in a different way.”
“You should take your own advice,” she said after a few quiet moments. “Tell him how you feel.”
There was no point in denying that I was in love with Xander. I didn’t know when exactly it had happened, but I did love him. With every part of me.
And as I was ruminating about my feelings, I realized that something terrible had happened.
Xander’s light had gone out.
Chapter Forty-Four
A heavy stone dropped into my stomach, pressing me down.
“I can’t ... I can’t feel him,” I said to Suri, panicked. “There’s a light and it’s gone.”
“Maybe he’s too far away,” she said.
Why had it gone out? I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate. To reestablish our connection.
It didn’t work.
But for reasons I couldn’t have explained, I knew he wasn’t dead. I would feel it if he were.
Or maybe I was as delusional as Doria, who was forever insisting that my brother was alive and going to return home to her in Locris.
“Look for him,” Suri said.
“I’m planning to.”
“No, I meant night walk. Find him.”
That could work. I could pull Xander into my dream. “What if he’s not asleep?”
“Were your parents?”
She was right. They had been awake and I’d still been able to see them.
“Will you take over the watch?” I asked, and she nodded.
I went over to my bedroll and lay down, closing my eyes and focusing on Xander’s face. “Dea Nyctipolus.”
He was in a tent. He had been chained to a stake in the ground. My stomach filled with a mixture of anger and concern when I saw him. He had been beaten. He was covered in cuts and bruises.
I wished that Io hadn’t severed our link. Artemisia had done this to him to hurt me. I deserved to feel every injury he had sustained.
But he didn’t look as if they’d broken him. His expression was defiant, strong.
