But I knew that he would want to stay with Quynh and the baby, and he was captain of the guard. He was in a position to issue orders and commands if necessary, more so than the rest of the phratry.
Once we turned toward the mountain range, Ahyana asked what would happen if we ran into the Carian army.
“There’s no chance of that,” Rokh told her. “They’re in the south. They’d be fools to come up this far north and east of Troas. The terrainon the other side of the mountains is particularly treacherous to traverse.”
Xander had muttered to himself when he saw that Luna was coming with me but he didn’t try to stop it or complain out loud. She practiced her flying, leaping off my horse’s back and then flapping around until she tired. I held out my arm for her to land on and she was careful with her tiny claws so that she wouldn’t hurt me.
Night was falling when we arrived at the base of the mountains. We all set up camp—Zalira and Ahyana focused on building the fire while Suri, Io, and I helped the men construct the tents.
After the tents were up, we ate a quick dinner, during which I discovered that Luna liked cooked meat as much as she did fresh. She curled up next to the fire and went to sleep.
When we finished eating, Xander asked Rokh and Dolion to scout the perimeter to make certain we were safe and Stephanos to take the first watch.
But instead of looking out for potential enemies, Stephanos only had eyes for Zalira. I could see that she was torn—she wanted to go and talk with him but was worried about how being close to him might hurt them both.
I completely understood.
It was why I ducked into one of the tents. I hadn’t been able to stop watching Xander, thinking about everything he had said and done over the last couple of days. I usually felt like I was in the dark where he was concerned, but it had somehow gotten worse. It was better to put a cloth wall between us so that I wouldn’t keep staring.
The flap at the front of the tent lifted, and as if I’d summoned him, Xander entered the tent with his bag.
“You didn’t eat very much earlier,” he said, sitting down across from me.
“My stomach is unsettled.” There was a lot going on.
“Here.” He reached into his bag and pulled out a cloth-covered bundle, handing it to me.
I took it, but before I opened it, I already knew what it was.
Pasteli.
He had packed that for me.
It should have made me happy but instead it was like tiny knives pierced my heart. It was such a thoughtful gesture, but we ... couldn’t be that way.
The openness we’d shared last night felt like it was gone. His expression was guarded again. Because he needed to pull back, too?
We had admitted we wanted each other.
And I had to think that a man who claimed he wanted all of me—body, heart, mind, and soul—had feelings beyond just caring for me. He was trying to protect his heart the same way I was.
“I wanted to speak to you,” he said. “If something happens to me, I’ve left instructions with Thrax that you are to be made queen regnant.”
That meant I would rule, and rule alone. “What?”
“You were right. The only way things in Ilion will change is for them to change at the highest levels. More council members should be women. And the queen of Ilion should be of equal status with the king. Not beneath him, but beside him.”
His words managed to both thrill and depress me at the same time. “But I’m leaving.”
“If I’m gone, would you consider staying on?”
I didn’t think I’d be able to stay in Ilion if something happened to him.
“I think Ilion needs you,” he added. “Someone who sees things the way that you do.”
Didheneed me? That was the question burning on my tongue, but instead I asked, “Why are you making arrangements for something that’s not going to happen?”
“In case you hadn’t noticed, people keep trying to kill us. They may succeed at some point. I’m preparing for the worst.”
