“When I make you my wife in more than just name,” he said as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, “it won’t be because of an excuse. We will both be choosing it. Along with everything that means.”
I wasn’t getting through to him, and I didn’t know how to tell him how I felt without making even more of a fool of myself. I mentally floundered until I settled on, “Everything in my life leads me to you.”
“Why do you think that is?” He pulled his head back so that we could look into each other’s eyes.
“I don’t know.”
“That’s a lie,” he said softly. “You do know. You’ve always known.”
This was too much. I wanted us to have sex to destroy our physical link. That was all this was about. Putting an end to something that meant if one of us died, so would the other.
It could not be about feelings or anything else.
“I won’t settle for a shadow of you. Of us. You just told me that you had to be worthy to enter the goddess’s cave. I won’t be responsible for you breaking your vow,” he said.
Desperation rose up inside me, like a surging wave. “We have to destroy the link.”
“Io will find a way.” He rested his forehead against mine and then exhaled deeply. “You make it so hard to remember myself.”
“Then don’t. Let’s forget everything.” I put my hands on his chest, wondering if he would move me away. His hands went to my wrists, asif he intended to take them off but couldn’t bring himself to do it. Heat seemed to flow up into my palms, coursing through me.
I wanted him so much it was hard to think straight.
“Not like this,” he said gently.
“But”—I glanced down—“you want me.”
“As I’ve already told you, I want more than just your body. I would have your mind, your heart, and your soul as well. I will not accept less, no matter how much I want you.”
My desire was now tinged with shock at his words. When he’d said those words to me in front of the full-length mirror the night of his birthday, I had thought he was being manipulative. That he’d said them in an attempt to woo me into bed.
He had meant them?
And if he had, did that mean ... that he was willing to give those things to me?
What would he say if I asked for them?
Feelings churned inside me, scattering my thoughts, and I felt like I could choke on my confusion.
“You should go before I lose what little self-control I still have,” he said, holding my hands in his.
“This is not at all how I thought this would go,” I confessed.
“I know.” He kissed me sweetly on the forehead. “Go to bed.”
It took me longer to move away from him than it should have. My body wanted to fight every movement that pulled me from him.
And if he had averted his gaze before, he did not do so now. I felt his eyes on me as I climbed out of the pool and wrapped myself in a linen. I had to summon what little dignity I still retained to walk across the washroom and exit through the door, closing it behind me.
I collapsed against it. My stomach roiled with nausea and feverish chills racked my limbs.
And I knew that my husband was the only medicine that could cure my current ills.
I dismissed every foolish scheme my mind concocted—waiting naked for him in our bed. Wearing my gauzy nightdress to tempt him. Rejoining him in his bath.
He had said he didn’t want it to happen this way ...not like this.
Unfortunately, this was all I had. There wasn’t a different future for us. But I needed to respect his wishes. I would expect him to back off if I told him no.
