Her eyes shot to his face. Tristan stared straight ahead while he traced circles on her leg with his thumb. He turned to her, eyes filled with longing. He tentatively reached up and stroked her hair. His throat bobbed as he swallowed heavily. Tristan’s smooth face, less lined with the weight of years and responsibility than his king’s, was a perfect mixture of trepidation and yearning.
Maybe this was best. Maybe Arthur was right, and this was what was needed. Vera’s heart was so broken—by Arthur’s rejection, and by the choices she’d made in the life she hardly remembered that put those she now loved in peril. With disaster looming, it might be best to put an end to this magically driven obsession with Arthur once and for all. And maybe being with Tristan could achieve that. Maybe it could help her avoid this procedure that was probably—likely—going to destroy her.
“I love you, Gwen,” he said. Vera held her breath as he leaned toward her, his eyes fixed on her mouth.
She had loved him once.
But not anymore.
Vera turned from him with a sharp inhale before his lips could find hers.
“I can’t do this,” she said.
Tristan closed his eyes and pulled away.
“Understood,” he said. Without another word, he rose and left the room. He didn’t storm away or slam the door. That might have been easier to bear.
Fuck. Poor Tristan was the one who suffered in all this.
Vera nearly tripped over his sword when she got up. She scooped it up and hurried to the door, expecting he’d be halfway down the hallway. She wouldn’t have blamed him for bailing on his guard duty, and at least then her plan to find Merlin could progress. But Tristan stood just outside the door, his hand instinctively moving to where his sword should have been at the sound.
“Here.” Vera thrust it toward him. He silently took it, and her stomach fell. “I’m sorry, Tristan. I’m so—”
“Stop it,” he said. She clamped her mouth closed, and his face softened at her reaction. “Are you going to be all right?”
She was about to respond when a noise down the hall caused them both to start. It sounded like a door closing. They both looked, but it was too dark to see more than shadows. Well. If anyone saw this, Vera in her nightgown as Tristan refastened his belt … it looked worse than she and Lancelot stretching in a field after their run.
But all stayed quiet. Tristan fixed Vera with an appraising stare.
“Do you see what Arthur’s doing?” he asked in a scornful whisper. “He’s so convinced he can’t love you well enough that he is trying to let you go.”
He was wrong. She knew so many parts to it that he was missing.
“That’s not what it is,” she managed to say.
“Then what is it?” Tristan asked skeptically. When she didn’t answer, he scoffed. “I admire everything about him except that he has you, and he keeps fucking it up. This one massive thing. It’s a laugh to love the man who stole my future and is making a mess of it.”
“I’m sorry.” There was nothing more to say.
“Me, too.” Tristan sighed. He swept a stray hair back behind her ear. She knew he wanted to kiss her. Instead, he said, “If you change your mind …” He grimaced self-consciously and shook his head. “Get some sleep, Your Majesty.”
The room was still dim, and she wasn’t sure what woke her. Vera sat up and saw right away that someone was asleep in the chair across from her, next to the window. She thought for a minute that it was Arthur, like the days after Thomas when he wouldn’t leave her side. What a strange time to be nostalgic for. But it was Lancelot, and it became clear what had roused her. He was snoring. Loudly. Vera exhaled a laugh as she gathered a blanket in her arms and crept over to cover her friend.
Movement outside drew her to the window, where she saw Merlin in the courtyard, dismounting his horse and passing the reins to a stable hand. What on earth had he been doing at this hour?
Vera glanced back at Lancelot. If he was in here, did that mean he was on guard, and now no one stood outside the door? She went to check, timing the heavy lock’s scrape with a snore and managing not to wake him.
The corridor was empty.
She could go. Nothing stood between her and Merlin. Vera took a shuddering breath and slipped into the hall. She got to the door of his room as he did. He seemed relieved to see her there.
“Where were you?” she asked.
“There’ve been reports of sinister happenings in the neighboring town. It’s a short ride from here. Their steward got word that we were in the area, so I suppose our secret travel isn’t so secret anymore.” He offered a faint smile, an ineffective disguise for his concern. “They’re having an issue with plots of land dying like in Crayford. We went with the king to see what could be done. The others are still there.”
“Why aren’t you?”
He looked a little ashamed. “I was hoping to find you. They will be gone a few more hours. We have time to do the procedure if you’re willing.”
