“I’m going to live with my grandmother during my ninth month. She has promised to take care of her great-grandson or daughter while I go to college. I told her I would come to see the baby every weekend until I graduate. Meanwhile, I’m planning to acquire the skills I’ll need to get a clerical position in an office while I attend classes at night.”
“Which college are you going to?”
“City College of New York.”
Pamela’s eyes grew wide. “Are you talking about the college on Convent Avenue that’s only six blocks from here?”
Justine nodded.
“When I look out my window and see people coming out of the subway and walking up the street and turning off on Convent Avenue, I like to imagine myself doing the same, because I’ve always wanted to be a teacher.”
“It’s not too late, Pamela. You could go at night while your husband watches your children.”
“That can’t happen, because I don’t have a high school diploma. I got pregnant with my son in my senior year and had to drop out. I’d planned to go at night while my mother babysat her grandson, but when Bobby was a year old, he came down with rheumatic fever, but that was before anyoneknew he’d had strep throat. Then I had to scrap my plans and stay home with him.”
“How old is he now?” Justine asked.
“He turned six in October and is in the first grade. I have to watch him carefully and not let him become overexerted, because he was left with minimal heart damage.”
“Thankfully you didn’t lose him.”
Pamela nodded. “You’re right; it was touch and go for a while. I have to go or I’m going to be late. It takes forever to get this little one into her snowsuit. I have to dress myself before I dress her, or she’ll get overheated and start screaming and won’t stop until we’re outdoors.”
Justine wanted to tell Pamela that dealing with a sick baby or dressing one for winter weather was something she wouldn’t have to deal with. Once she gave birth, it would all become Precious Boone’s responsibility.
She waited for Pamela to leave, closed the door behind her, then walked over to the phone and picked up the receiver to dial the number of the secretarial school. Her call was answered after three rings. Justine gave the receptionist her name and informed her she was pre-registered for six weeks of coursework of typing, shorthand, and recordkeeping.
Her call was transferred to the intake director, and ten minutes later, Justine had committed to begin classes the first week in March. The school had locations in three of the five boroughs, and Justine selected one several blocks north and west of Macy’s department store, because it was a direct route. All she had to do was walk across the street and take the downtown subway to 34th Street, then walk four blocks to the school.
Over the past few weeks, Justine had experienced an increase in her appetite, and she needed to purchase outfits in a larger size. She was gaining weight and losing her waistline at the same time. There was another item she wanted to buy in order to save money: a secondhand sewing machine. She’d watched one of her aunts make all of their clothes, from tracinga pattern to pinning the garment together before sewing the seams.
Although Mrs. Crawford had mentioned she would receive money each month from the midwife, Justine wanted to save as much as she could, and along with whatever she’d earned from working, so she wouldn’t have to pinch pennies to make ends meet. City College was tuition-free, but she still had to pay student fees and purchase books.
Justine did not have to concern herself with spending a lot on food. Her mother and aunts would cook pots of rice, peas, beans, oxtail and beef stews, and greens with fresh and smoked neckbones to not only feed everyone, but also to last for several days; her favorites were baked macaroni and cheese, smothered turkey wings, potato salad, fried chicken, and pork chops, which were served on Sundays and special family gatherings.
When one door closes, another one opens, Justine thought, smiling. It was as if she could hear her Grandma Flora talking to her. Her life had hit a temporary bump, causing a slight detour, but for Justine it was just that—temporary. She never would’ve predicted graduating high school six months early had come as a blessing, because if she was going to have a baby in June, then it wouldn’t have been possible for her to join her classmates to receive her diploma. Girls who’d found themselves pregnant were forced to drop out and attend night classes.
Justine sat on the living room sofa, listening to the radio.Search for TomorrowandLove of Lifehad become her two favorite daytime soap operas, while she never failed to listen toDragnet,Tales of the Texas Rangers, andOur Miss Brooks. Although television was beginning to replace radio as the principal form of family entertainment, Justine still preferred listening to the radio, because it challenged her imagination as to what was happening despite not seeing the images.
A wave of fatigue washed over her where she could barely keep her eyes open. She knew if she didn’t get up and go intothe bedroom, she would fall asleep on the sofa. Justine forced herself to get up and turn off the radio, and she walked into the bedroom and fell across the bed fully clothed. It was hours later when she woke, refreshed, and went into the bathroom to relieve herself and wash her face.
She stared at the image in the medicine chest mirror on the wall over the bathroom sink, looking back at her. It was as if she didn’t recognize herself. Her face was fuller than it had ever been, and her hair, which she straightened with a hot comb, had become even thicker. And that meant she had to go over sections of hair not once, but twice to tame strands before she was able to style it. Once it was straightened, she curled her bangs, then swept her shoulder-length hair in a ponytail and curled the ends. She’d also made it a practice to cover her hair at night before going to bed, with a bandana to keep the edges smooth and straight.
What she refused to do was look at her body in a mirror, despite the obvious changes, because it would serve as a constant reminder of the thing growing inside her. A thing she cursed before it was to take its first breath to live on its own.
CHAPTER6
Justine met the midwife for the first time at the end of February. She’d called the day before, introducing herself as Miss Cynthia, and she should expect her arrival the next day around noon. That said, she hung up with Justine without giving her a chance to say whether she would or wouldn’t be available.
She was available when opening the door to find a middle-aged woman dressed entirely in black, carrying what appeared to be a canvas bag that resembled one used to feed horses. Justine felt slightly uncomfortable when meeting the large gray-green eyes in a face the color of polished mahogany. There was something about the woman with the strangely colored eyes that made Justine think that she was a witch.
“I want you to go into the bedroom and take off all your clothes, then get into bed. I need to examine you.”
Justine nodded, unable to speak because the words locked in her throat refused to come out. It would be the first time someone would see her nude body. Even when having sex with Dennis Boone, she’d worn a nightgown.
Turning on her heel, she walked into the bedroom and undressed, leaving her clothes on the top of a dresser, then pulled back the bedspread and got into bed. Minutes later, Miss Cynthia entered the room. She removed her hat, coat, and gloves. She set the bag on the floor near the bed and opened it.
Justine closed her eyes so she wouldn’t see the woman when her hands moved slowly over her body as a sculptor would admiring his work of art. She jumped slightly when she felt something round and cold moving slowly over her belly.
