'that sounds awesome.'
'It was. It is. My mum's gone to stay with her sister this Christmas but before I came down here me and my brother went ad put all the lights up. just as normal. Just as my dad had wanted.' He smiled sadly. 'In a strange way, I feel closer to him here even though he never got to visit, because he'd have loved this. It would have been his dream to work at a place like this.'
'That’s lovely that your dad wanted you to continue enjoying Christmas.' It seemed their lives had been polar opposites, Felix's dad celebrating Christmas to the max, whilst hers had done everything he could to avoid the festivities.
'Yes. I was reluctant at first. even when I turned up here last month, I warned Nick I might not be able to cope with it. You know, because he'd loved the tree, the decorations, the lights, the atmosphere of Christmas, I was worried it all might remind me of him and I wouldn’t be able to cope.' Taking his hand from hers, he wrapped it around her middle again, drawing her closer to him as they carried on walking. 'But it's done the opposite. All I think about when I'm here is all the amazing Christmas memories he gave me. last Christmas was the toughest of my life, but here I'm surrounded by all the good bits, all the things he so loved and enjoyed, and I get to keep his love of Christmas alive.'
'That’s beautiful. A real honour to his memory.' Threading her arm around his middle too, she leaned her head against his shoulder.
'I hope so. I really do. listen, can you hear that?'
She tilted her head and listened. The Christmas songs had paused and some other music had started up in its place. 'Is it a brass band?'
'Yes, Penworth Bay's finest.' Felix grinned. 'And we're just in time to listen to them.'
She smiled. She loved his enthusiasm for all things Christmassy. A trait she now knew he got from his dad. As they rounded the corner, she came to stop. the courtyard was full of Victorian stalls and old-fashioned fairground rides. A pale blue and red halter skelter loomed above the huge Christmas tree in the centre of the courtyard, a brightly coloured Ferris wheel stood to the right and a beautiful golden carousel complete with the galloping horses was positioned in front of it. The stalls she'd seen circling the courtyard yesterday were closed and in front of them coconut shies, candy floss stalls and hook-a-ducks filled the space. "Wow.'
Looking at her, Felix grinned. 'Is to Christmassy enough for you?'
'Just a bit.' She shook her head in awe. She'd never seen anything like it. Yes, she had visited Christmas markets as a teenager and an adult but this was on a whole other level. 'It's as though we've stepped back in time.'
'Haha, it is. Come on, let's have a go on the Ferris wheel.' taking her hand, Felix led them through the crowds to join the queue for the Ferris wheel.
Standing in line, Felix turned to face her, taking her hands in his. 'So, tell me what was Christmas Day like for you as a child? You mentioned about the fact your dad never really cameto terms with what happened to your mum. Did you just not celebrate it?'
'No. Not at home anyway. He tried his best to make sure he was working on Christmas Day and when I was young, before my grandparents moved away, I'd go and spend the day with them. That was nice. They tried their best to make sure I experienced a proper Christmas filled with food, fun and presents.' She bit down on her bottom lip as she remembered the few occasions she'd gone to stay with them and experienced waking up to the heaviness of a stocking lying at the foot of her bed. they'd been good times, but she'd always felt a crippling guilt that her dad was alone for the day. Even as a young child, she'd felt guilty thinking that her dad would be going home to an empty house after a shift at work to reheat a microwave meal whilst she enjoyed a roast with her grandparents. 'When he couldn’t swing it so he was working I chose to stay at home with him and it would just be like any other day. Only worse.'
'Worse?' Felix frowned, deep lines appearing across his forehead.
'Yes, he'd just be... sad all day long. Quiet.' She shook herself, dislodging the thoughts which were playing in her mind. 'Anyway, this year is different. Now he has his new partner and her children to enjoy it with. And hopefully he will. Hopefully he'll be able to find the magic in the season again.'
'And you too. I hope.' Leaning forward he kissed her forehead.
'Well, I am so far.'
'We've one more car spare.' The woman manning the Ferris wheel waved them forward. 'Are you game?'
'Oops, I hadn’t even noticed the queue going down.' Merri laughed as she gripped Felix's hand and pulled him forward. 'Yes, we're game.'
'Fantastic. Have a good one.' The woman waited until they were seated before checking the safety bar and starting the ride.
As they slowly made their way upwards, Merri felt Felix tense beside her. Looking at him, she frowned. 'Are you okay?'
'Umm... I should probably have mentioned that I'm not great with heights.'
Raising her eyebrows, she noticed his hands gripping so tightly to the safety bar, his knuckles had turned white and that his eyes were tightly closed. 'Oh. You suggested we go on the Ferris wheel though.'
'I know. A suggestion I; m regretting more and more with every second.' He swallowed.
Placing her hand over his, she interlaced their fingers. 'I'll get the woman's attention when we get down to the bottom again and she'll be able to let us off.'
Felix shook his head forcefully.
'No?' She frowned. Why would he want to stay on here if he was this afraid of heights. It didn’t make sense.
'Nope. I'm doing this. My dad loved Ferris wheels and every time we came to a market like this one, he'd try and get me to go on with him. I always refused. So, this is for my dad.'
Blinking, she tried to stop the tears flowing. that was the sweetest thing she'd ever heard. 'Okay, in that case, I'm right here beside you. you can do this.'
