“My family and that man outside. If it weren’t for them and my lawyer fighting to get me out, I’d be spending another twenty years behind bars.”
“That is asinine. Thirty years for getting rid of trash? And your mama? I’m pregnant, but I have some homegirls for her. You just say the word.”
I shook my head. “She’s not worth it. Karma will take care of her.”
She kissed her teeth. “Karma can always use a little help. Don’t let the cute face fool you. I used to get down with the best of them, and I still have friends in the gutter. I’m talking brass knuckles, razor in the mouth carrying gutter.”
Bridget slapped her arm. “Kyah, you’re gonna scare the girl.”
I giggled. “Trust me, I’ve seen a lot on the inside. There isn’t much that scares me. It’s just the mental aspects that still get to me from time to time. I don’t want to be in the middle of something intimate and have a panic attack.”
“Does he talk you through it?” Kyah asked lowly.
“Talk me through it?”
“Through the process, your orgasm.”
“I don’t think I want to know that,” Bridget said, grinning. “That’s my little brother.”
Kyah rolled her eyes. “You know that man has been out here slanging penis before, Bridget.” She looked to me for confirmation. “Well?”
“He does.”
“Then you’ll be fine, girl. A man who talks you through it take cues from your body. They listen and pay attention. Sex with them isn’t just for their pleasure. It’s for yours, too. Whatever negative headspace you find yourself in, he’ll bring you out of it. You just have to trust him. Given that you’ve already trusted him with your…you know. I’d say you have nothing to worry about. If you’re ready, initiate and let him take the lead.Onlyif you’re ready.”
I nodded as I thought about what she said. Was I ready? Really ready? The last couple days of exploring with him had been wonderful. It was a shame at my big age that I was just learning my body. Sex and lovemaking were supposed to be beautiful and exhilarating, yet for so long, I associated them with pain and displeasure.
It was traumatizing and dehumanizing for me.
I didn’t get the chance to give my virginity to someone worthy. I didn’t get to save myself for my husband or my first love. Maybe being intimate with Killian would give me part of what was stolen back. I mean, I knew it wouldn’t make me a born-again virgin, but at least he could possibly turn something so ugly into something…magical.
The gathering had been well under way for a few hours now, and I had to say that I was enjoying myself. By the time the movie went off, everybody was ready to eat. We migrated outside to eat and enjoy one another’s company. The sun had set, and Killian lit the tiki torches around the outdoor entertainment space.
While Adrienne and Amiyah entertained Ellie and Parker, the rest of us sat around talking and enjoying mocktails and beer. I sat next to Killian, leaning into him as he draped an arm around my shoulders. Every so often, he leaned in and kissed my temple or my cheek, and I would blush uncontrollably. I couldn’t tell if this was just him or if it was the beer he’d consumed, but I was loving the affection.
“You two look absolutely happy together,” Mrs. Lake noted with a smile.
“My girl has been blushing all night,” Bridget added. “Then there’s Killian, smiling like a fool. Just look at him.”
“You are my biggest hater, you know that?” Killian said. “You and Kadeem.”
Kadeem scoffed. “Why are you bringing me into this? I ain’t even said nothing.”
“You were thinking it.”
“Oh, so you read minds now? You fell in love, and it gave you superpowers or something?”
Everybody laughed.
“No superpowers. I just know you,” Killian answered. “Baby, you should have heard the way these men were on me earlier.”
“We didn’t say anything that wasn’t true,” Mr. Lake said. He looked down at his watch. “I think we better be heading on out. It’s past our bedtime.”
Most everyone agreed with him that it was time to go. We started moving to clean up and take things inside. Once the to-go plates were packed and all of the food was put in the fridge, everyone hugged us goodbye then made their way to their cars. Killian and I stood on the porch watching them.
He dropped his arm around my shoulders, and I wrapped mine around his waist. Once the last car had driven off into the distance, we headed back inside to lock up the house then made our way to his bedroom. As I watched him undress to get in the shower, my thoughts drifted back to earlier. I was so busy admiring his body, that I didn’t realize he was staring at me.
“My eyes are up here, love,” he jested.
